


be still my foolish heart

by baloonflies



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Nightmares, Slow Burn, best friend scott, honestly i just love scott so much, ignores 6B, not that much tho, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 05:38:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19941097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baloonflies/pseuds/baloonflies
Summary: “You know” Stiles says, but reaches for the helmet anyways “i always thought if i died young, it’d be because Kanima ate me or some were-thing tore me to shreds, but this” he laughs a little humorlessly “i should never have put this on that stupid list”“You are not gonna die” Derek says and helps him adjust the helmet on his head. Once he puts it on he can barely see anything.“Yeah?” he says, his voice muffled by the helmet “my life seems to be in danger whenever I'm around you. I’m surprised I didn't die from fish poisoning yesterday”-Stiles runs into Derek in DC(set after season 5)





	be still my foolish heart

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this 2-3 years ago, decided to post this now. 
> 
> set after season 5, because i didn't watch after that
> 
> painfully undbetaed

-

Stiles is in a supermarket, 5 minutes away from his flat on Friday evening. End of the week usually means his fridge is empty and it's time for a weekly shopping trip. His cart is mostly full of Doritos and energy drinks. He is planning on getting some greens, _he is!_ He is not a hypocrite to nag his dad about junk food all the time and then go living off of microwave dinners.

He turns his cart to the right, to get to the candy isle, planning on getting himself some dark chocolate to keep him awake during morning lectures. He picks up two bars and throws them in his cart, he looks to his left to reach for big package of M&M’s and sees all too familiar figure standing there, phone in one hand, candy in another. 

“Derek?” he says, a man looks up at that and, yeah, that's definitely Derek, in all its glory “Derek Hale?” he laughs at that, what are the odds

“Stiles” Derek says dryly, but his lips twitch into a tiny smile

“what the hell, man” Stiles says, his face lights up at the sight of a familiar face. He moves closer to Derek, pushes his cart out of the way to get toe to toe to him “what are you doing here?” he slaps Derek on the shoulder, Derek doesn't even flinch, doesn't growl at Stiles, doesn't even give him _the look._

“getting groceries” Derek says,pointing at the pack of Oreos in his hand “from a grocery store” he shakes his head, if Stiles didn't knew him he'd say almost fondly. 

“i see that smart ass” Stiles rolls his eyes, Derek always was only person who could annoy him so much with his sarcasm and stupid dry humor “what are you doing _here,_ in Washington” 

“I live here” he shrugs “what are _you_ doing here, Stiles?” Derek asked, his voice curious, looking at him with those big dark eyes. Stiles sometimes used to wonder which eyes were actual eyes of derek, his real eyes or his werewolf eyes. He knew Scott’s eyes were his real eyes, but Derek was born with it. So which one was it, was he hiding his wolf eyes or human eyes.

“um,” he shakes his head “I go to college here, you know, I’m all grown up, George Washington! Almost missed all of the senior year and still got in” he throws his fist in the ear, Derek’s face puzzles at that, but Stiles keeps talking “told you i was a genius” he grins widely, looking at small smile flash on Derek’s face 

“Good” Derek says “congratulations, George Washington’s great” he nods and looks Stiles up and down, that looks down at his phone awkwardly, then back at Stiles and smiles his small stupid derek smile again.

“oh, man” stiles slaps his shoulder again, harder than before “I've literally seen your guts, you don't get to be awkward with me” Derek’s awkward smile changes to a knowing smirk, that asshole!

“ _all grown up_ ” Derek mocks him “and still nothing has changed with you” he shakes his head and puts his phone in his back pocket 

“oh, says you, mister leather jacket” Stiles makes a face at him “look at you, still rocking that brooding murderer look. it's getting old buddy, in fact, it's been old for like 3 years now” he flails his hands around Derek’s body, gesturing on his leather jacket and dark Henley 

“and flannel is not?” Derek arches an eyebrow at him, looks him up and down again, pausing at Stiles’ shirt, grumpy cat on his chest 

“hey” Stiles protests “my eyes are up here and by the way, flannel is always a good idea, unlike leather, when it's a hundred degrees outside and you can't look badass anymore with you sweaty forehead and almost out of breath” he reaches for that pack of M&M’s he's been meaning to get. His brows furrowed, he doesn't know why he's bickering with Derek, he just saw him for the first time after almost a year and the first thing he does is bicker with him. But it's good, he feels good, this is familiar, bickering with Derek, he feels better than he has in almost 2 weeks. 

“Jesus” Derek shakes his head again “what are you shopping for” he asks and looks in Stiles cart with raised eyebrows

“hey, don't judge me” he huffs “I'm a college boy, I don't have to have my life sorted out”

“I'm not” Derek raises his hands in the air “just asking, let's go, you finish your list” he gestures at the paper in Stiles’ hand “and I'll find myself some cigarettes” he puts a hand between Stiles’ shoulder and forcibly turn him

“ohh, so now you wanna help me with my groceries? No more making fun of Stiles outfit” Stiles mocks him, but goes where Derek leads him, he carefully grabs a pack of cereal as he talks, not wanting to slide his shoulders out of Derek’s grip. Not that he likes it there or anything, it's just nice, heavy presence of familiarity.

“I want to catch up” Derek clarifies, dropping his hand from Stiles’ shoulder to check his phone, Stiles can't help but look over briefly. He can see Derek has a text, Derek Hale texting, what an odd thing to witness

“Speaking of” Stiles says and reaches for a bag of apples and dropping it in his bag “where's Cora?” Derek takes the apple out of his cart and replaces with another bag.

“These are fresher” he says as he notices Stiles’ puzzled expression “and Cora just arrived in Virginia” he waves his phone at Stiles, then his face scrunches up like he swallowed something sour and says “She's road tripping, with um, her boyfriend” 

“oh my god” Stiles laughs loudly at that. “are you kidding Cora has a boyfriend? I can't believe I'm witnessing jealous big brother moment here” 

“Shut up, Stiles” Derek grumbles and pushes the cart forward, Stiles can't stop laughing, this is too good “Where's Scott?” he tries to change the subject and Stiles doesn't push, answering his question instead

“U.C Davis” his yawns, last night's mistakes catching up with him “can you imagine? Scott got into U.C Davis?” Derek nods and reaches for a bottle of orange juice for himself.

This is weird, Derek Hale shopping for OJ and picking fresh apples for Stiles, that's too weird. He hasn't seen Derek do normal things other than cook eggs for him and Isaac that one time during that summer.

“Do you live around?” Stiles asks “I’ve been here for months, and i would have noticed you pretentious car around the block” he can only see Derek’s back but, still can imagine him rolling his eyes

“I don't live around” he says shortly “they were out of double stuffed ones in my supermarket” he offers as an explanation, shaking pack of Oreos in Stiles’ face and it's too much

“oh my god” he whispers and rolls his cart to the register “you are so weird” he huffs turns to Derek standing in queue behind him “you are being so normal, stop that” 

“I’m weird, because I'm normal?” Derek asks, with that tone, that voice he has for when he wants to make fun of Stiles, to talk to him like a child and Stiles hates that voice and hates Derek, too

“Shut up” he whines and starts handing his groceries to cashier. He lingers a little bit while putting his things in plastic bags, waiting for Derek to buy his stupid Oreos and stupid juice. They walk silently outside, side by side, when they reach the parking lot Stiles can see Derek’s car parked there, all sleek and shiny as always, Stiles hates that car too, how does he keep it so clean all the time!

“Ah, here it is” Stiles says, pointing at the car “knew something was missing from you whole dark and mysterious exterior”

“yet nothing missing from your spastic teenager persona” Derek says and opens driver's door “need a ride?”

“nah” stiles shakes his head “I live around the corner, just 5 minutes away, no ride required” 

“okay” Derek nods and gets in the car and Stiles starts to walk away, bags heavy in his hands, maybe he should have said yes to that ride. He hears the car starts behind him and turns

“Hey” he shouts “it, it was, uh, good to see you, you know, alive and well, and not bleeding out.” he says, Derek is looking at him, Stiles is sure, 100% certain that Derek smile is fond when he speaks

“yeah, you too” he says and drives away

-

Stiles doesn't see or hear from Derek for a while after that, 2 weeks to be exact, not that he's counting. It's not like they were friends before, Stiles isn't hoping that Derek might want to hang out since they are both alone in a big city, at least Stiles is and assumes that so is Derek, since his social circle was never that big.

He's finishing up his shift in a book shop on Saturday night, Krista is waiting for him to put away last books in the Fantasy section. He puts the last book on the shelf, Legends and Origins of Lycanthropy, he snorts and walk away, puts his jacket on and informs Krista that he's ready to go.

He says goodbye to his boss and walks to the closest bus station, he's halfway there when he realizes he forgot his bag inside the store. Along with his wallet and key and phone charger, all the essential things! He hurriedly starts walking back to the story and dials Krista, hoping she's not home yet. he can hear the sky rumbling above him, it's definitely going to rain, he needs his bag!

“hey” he says breathlessly when Krista answers “hey Krista, I just realized I forgot my bag inside the store, could you please turn around if you aren't too far?”

“oh, I just got to let the babysitter go,Stiles” she said apologetically “can it wait till tomorrow, i really don’t have anyone to leave kids with”

“No, no, yeah, it can totally wait” he says “it's fine”

“sorry, Stiles” Krista says and shushes his kids in the background

“It's fine, thanks Krista” Stiles says and hangs up. It's totally not fine! First drops of rain are already falling and judging by the sounds sky is making, it’s not going to just drizzle. He scrolls down his contacts, only one of his friends from university has a car and she lives halfway across the city, and they aren’t even that close, so he can’t ask her to drive. Rain starts falling heavily as he walks to the bus station to at least shelter himself, he’s soaked to his toes by the time he gets there. He pulls his phone up and tries to dry his hand enough to open it. He scrolls through his contacts again and then stops at Derek’s number and sighs. Derek is probably perfectly content in his den, probably eating his Oreo's, dry and warm, unlike Stiles, who’s soaking wet and freezing. 

“What the hell” he says to himself and presses Call, hoping Derek hasn’t changed his number. Dial rings 5 times before Derek finally picks up,when Stiles was already considering to hang up 

“Stiles?” Stiles breathes in relief, glad he ringed the right number. Derek sounds sleepily as he repeats Stiles’ name , Stiles probably woke him up, which makes this a really bad idea, he imagines freshly woken up Derek is not the nicest Derek

“Hey, Derek” he says, teeth chattering as his wet jacket and hoodie stick to his back “how you doing?” 

“I’m fine, Stiles” he says, with that stupid _Stiles_ voice again “what’s wrong?” Stiles can imagine his furrowed brows, drawn together in a very Derek-esque scowl. 

“Wrong, nothing’s wrong, everything’s good, y’know, peachy, just checking how you are, y’know, because I'm a good person” Stiles rambles, he’s regretting calling Derek so much, of course, Derek has much better things to do, like taking a nap, naps are important, Stiles will take long one when he gets home, _if_ he gets home, or maybe he’ll sleep on the bench, bus station bench looks comfy.

“Stiles, what did you do” Derek nearly growls in the phone, why does he always think Stiles did something, it’s not like it was Stiles causing most of the werewolf problems in beacon hills.

“I didn’t do anything wrong!” Stiles says loudly on the phone, Derek probably had to pull his phone away from his ear “but, i could use a ride, you know, that ride you offered me the other day, i could use it now” he says, and expects at least a groan from the other side, but all Derek does is ask him where he is

-

Derek arrives at the bus station 15 minutes later. Stiles texted him the address, then texted him to bring a towel with him, Derek asked if his life was in danger and Stiles laughed at how familiar that question was and how often the answer was yes. He sits on the station bench, rain still pouring heavily from the sky, he’s phone is on 3% and he’s sure he’s 5 minutes away from hypothermia when Derek pulls up in front of him.

“Oh, thank god” he mutters and runs up to the car, Derek already has the door open for him, Stiles pauses for a second, doubting if sitting in Derek’s car soaking wet is a good idea, but then he decides dying from pneumonia is worse and jumps in

“Hey” he says to Derek, who is looking at Stiles like he used to when they first met, like he wants to sew his mouth shut or punch him in the mouth “i’m sorry for getting you car all wet?” he tries. Derek must have known what he was getting into when he agreed to pick him up in pouring rain

“It’s fine” Derek says and turns to the road, driving away “Towels in the back seat, i think you should take that jacket off” Stiles reaches in the back seat to get the towel, he presses it to his face first, inhaling the scent of, nothing, of course Derek’s fluffy towels smell like nothing, bland, just like him. He dries himself off as much as he can, his wet clothes stick to him, making him shudder from cold, he’s freezing. Derek seems to notice and turn on the A/C, warm air tickling his legs

“Thanks” Stiles says, teeth still chattering, he pulls a towel closer to his body, it’s probably better to throw it away, since it’s soaked too already. Derek nods and turns to the right, he seems to be confident in where he’s going, that makes Stiles wonder how long has Derek been living here?

“How do you forget everything?” Derek says, looking at the road, his lips turned up a little

“I forgot my bag! Everything was just inside it” Stiles defends himself “not everyone has super werewolf memory”

“There’s no such-” he sighs, realizing there’s no point in arguing with Stiles “what were you doing so far from home” he asks instead

“Working” he says “don’t you work? Or are you so rich that you don’t ever have to work” Derek doesn’t answer that, continues watching the road, not even glancing at Stiles “wow, so we’re back on mysterious scary Derek? No more Oreos eating Derek who know how to smile?” Stiles huffs, Derek is such an idiot

“You are an idiot” Derek says “You have your apartment keys?” 

“No” Stiles says, he left them in his bag, obviously “but my landlord has spare, sorry to disappoint, but you’ll have to sleep you Stiles-less sleep tonight” Derek snorts

“I’ll live” he says and goes silent, not in chatty mood, so Stiles doesn’t speak for the rest of the ride either. He glances at Derek few times, warm feeling settling low in his stomach, feeling of familiarity, he didn’t think he’d miss home so much to feel warm and fuzzy while looking at Derek Hale of all people, but he does, in a city so new, full of strangers, Stiles forgets for a moment that he’s on the other side of the country, he takes a deep breath, he probably would smell the scent of home if he were a werewolf and had weird names for smells, _Derek_ would probably smell like home.

“Derek” Stiles says quietly when they turn to Stiles’ street, he looks straight at the road watching his building coming closer and closer. “Since you have the same number and all, meaning you don’t hate all of us 100%” Derek glares at him “okay, i know, i know” he says “anyways, is it okay if I call you, sometimes?” he asks, his heart racing in his chest, he hopes he didn’t overstep any boundaries. 

“Call me?” Derek’s genuinely puzzled, like there’s no possibility of Stiles wanting to calling him unless he’s dying, or in need of a ride

“Yeah, call you, to, like, hang out, if you do that sort of thing,” he says, red making its way to his cheeks “since, I don't have any friends here, and i mean, i know people, but i don’t have friends, not that i can’t make friends, i just don’t, i can’t really”

“It’s okay” Derek interrupts him and bring the car to the halt “it's okay if you call me sometimes” he says softly and turns to face him

“Yeah” Stiles breathes “yeah, okay, i’ll call you sometimes” Derek smiles at him a little and claps him on the shoulder 

“You should get inside” Derek tells him

“You can’t be nice longer than few seconds, can you?” Stiles huffs and sticks his tongue out at Derek “i’ll go, you don’t have to kick me out, asshole” 

“I’m not kicking you out, Stiles, i’m telling you to go inside and warm up. You probably already have cold” Derek explains and well, yeah, Stiles probably should think a little more than 1 second before he speaks up and apologize to Derek. 

“I don’t like that you are being so nice” Stiles says instead “it’s suspicious, i feel like you have ulterior motives, it’s weird” he looks suspiciously at Derek to prove his point, and Derek, that asshole, growls at him, baring his teeth, even letting his eyes glow for a second “oh. my god” Stiles chokes and throws the towel off himself, scrambling to get out of the car, Derek is grinning when Stiles looks at him, he’s so stupid, Stiles honestly hates him “Thanks for the ride, asshole” 

“No problem” Derek says and drives off as soon as Stiles slams the door shut. 

As soon as Stiles gets inside his flat, after huffing and puffing from Mrs. Jordan, he drops his wet clothes on the floor and starts the shower, he walked around naked for a little while before the water warms up, he’s so glad he doesn’t have a roomie, it would have been really awkward if he were doing this in front of someone else. He steps inside the shower and moans as soon as hot water hits his skin, he flexes his frozen toes, waiting for water to warm him up. He closes his eyes and stand under the spray for longer than necessary, letting water relax his body and wash away all the dirt without Stiles having to scrub himself, it’s probably not working but he can’t bring himself to even reach for the soap. 

He turns on his laptop as soon as he dries himself off. He was supposed to call Scott half an hour ago. He texts his dad and Malia, checking up on them, he considers texting Lydia too, but changes his mind, can’t bring himself to do it just yet. When he sees Scott’s smiling face on his screen he immediately feels better. 

“Hey , buddy.” he says, waving at Scott “what’s up” 

“Hey” Scott grins widely “I just got home, how are you” 

“Fine” Stiles says and checks his phone, his dad texted him, saying he’s fine and that he’s on a crime scene, bank robbery apparently. He rubs the back of his neck, still a little sore from work and cold.

“Hey, you okay?” Scott asks, his eyes big and concerned 

“Yeah, yeah, i’m good, just had a long day” he says and grins at Scott, he misses him so much, he’s not sure how long he’ll last before saying ‘fuck it’ and driving to California to see him

“Well, do tell” Scott says and lays back on the rugged arm chair he said he got from thrift store. 

“I forgot my bag at work and my boss couldn’t come back to unlock the door, so I got stuck in the rain without a cent, I missed my bus and nearly died from the cold” he says. He texts his dad back, telling him to be careful and call tomorrow morning. 

“Oh man, how did you get home” Scott asks, truly concerned, bless his soul

“I got a ride” Scott raises a brow to ask _“who?”_ and Stiles laughs a little “well Scott, my buddy, that’s wildest part of all this. I got a ride from Derek?” Scott’s face puzzles for a second before realization draws to him and his eyes widen, he comes closer to the screen as if that’ll help him understand things better.

“Dude” he says “what the hell? Where did you see Derek?”

“In a supermarket, actually” Stiles yawns “like two weeks ago, I was gonna tell you, but then midterms came and then you told me about that Ashley girl and i kind forgot” 

“How did you forget to tell me you met Derek in fucking DC?” Stiles shrugs, he honestly forgot “what is he doing there anyways?”

“He lives here apparently. He was buying Oreos, Scott, Oreos, can you imagine? Derek hale eating Oreos and being normal” 

“You know that he’s, like, a normal person right?” Scott asks, ever so reasonable, and Derek is the farthest thing from normal actually.

“That’s the thing Scott!” Stiles says “he’s so normal, he was buying candy and he smiled at me, and when I asked him for a ride, he didn’t even protest or anything, he honestly just drove and picked me up, didn’t throw me into walls or punch me or anything, he _smiles_ at me, he’s honestly being so weird, it's scaring me” he moans in annoyance. He’s not sure why he’s so upset about Derek being so nice to him, he’s not sure why he’s letting it get to him.

“Come on Stiles, when was the last time he physically hurt you? You know he has changed right, he’s still a little rough, a little tough, but he was nice to us, to you, remember?” Scott’s right and Stiles hates that, hates Scott being all reasonable and _right._

“I know, I know,” he agrees, taking a deep breath “anyways, enough about Derek, how was your date” Scott lights up at that and starts talking non stop about how great his date was, how lovely Ashley is, and Stiles happily listens, before he falls asleep in front of the computer screen

-

He skypes his dad in the morning, apparently there's a series of robberies in town, some guy disguised as movie characters robbing banks and stores. Apparently Malia is helping him out, but she can't sniff out anything important yet. He has lunch with few of his friends as they discuss midterm results, Stiles is pretty proud of himself, he aced most of his tests.

The week goes by uneventful, he goes to university, then to work, in the morning he skypes his dad, later at night Scott and sometimes Malia, even texts Lydia to see how she is, gets an angry text back, telling him to stop over thinking and complicating what's not complicated at all. He has project due Monday so he spends most of his time at home, studying and working on his project.

It's Saturday morning when he decides he's had enough, he can't concentrate on anything but the water dripping from his broken faucet. He's been reading over the same page for 20 minutes and if he keeps tapping his highlighter on his desk he might drill a hole in it.

He decides to take a shower, relax his muscles. He's been sitting in uncomfortable chairs all day at first in university, then at the library, then at work. When he gets out of the shower he feels much better, but when he looks at his messy desk it makes him groan, he has no slightest desire to get back to finishing it up.

Stiles lay down on his bed and stares at the ceiling, he wants to Skype Scott, but he knows Scott has important quiz tomorrow. His dad is probably at work. He huffs and reaches for his phone, checks his Facebook feed, Lydia has posted a selfie of the day, she looks great, happy, she cut her hair short, it barely reaches her shoulders, Stiles smiles as he likes it and scrolls down. Liam apparently is on lacrosse practice, judging from the picture he posted of Maison lying exhausted on the field, he knows the feeling, it's not easy to catch up with superpowered team friends.

He texts Malia, asking how she’s doing, she replays with a picture of econ books and an angry emoji, Stiles sends back sad emojis and lets her study in peace. He lays mindlessly on his bed for a few minutes before he decides to call Derek, after all he said it was okay for Stiles to call him

“Hey, Derek” he says as soon as Derek answers the phone

“Hello” Derek says and pauses for a second “Stiles” he adds sourly. Stiles feels a little offended, he hasn't even said anything to annoy Derek yet. That asshole is just probably taking things out on him.

“well, you sound not sourly at all” Stiles says dryly “what's gotten you all mad and sad”

“I'm not mad and sad, Stiles” Derek replies 

“then what's with the growling at Stiles for no reason”

“I didn't growl at you, Stiles” Stiles really hates when Derek says he's name like that “it's my neighbor” he adds after a brief pause “he's being unnecessarily loud!” he huffs

“you mean really loud or too loud for a werewolf” he asks. Scott once asked him to stop swallowing so loudly. So he's sure Derek’s overreacting.

“he's being overly loud, I'm sure even for human ears, imagine what it's like to me!”

“well, then” he jumps up from his bed “good thing, Stiles is here to help you and take your sour ass away from your annoyingly _loud_ neighbours” he reaches for his jeans, not even waiting for Derek to answer.

Derek doesn't even argue, just sighs in the phone and asks “what do you have in mind?”

“do you know that flashy diner next to the that huge electronics store near court house?” Derek makes a sound that lets stiles know that he does “well, i heard they make Oreo cheesecake to die for”

“Oreos aren't the only thing i eat, Stiles” Derek half protests 

“Before I thought you fed on bloody meat and humans’ fear only, so be glad i changed my mind” he decides against his cardigan with a wolf cub on it and puts on his warmest sweater, annoying Derek isn't worth hypothermia. “meet me there in 30” he says and hangs up before he hears Derek’s answer, if he wants to decline Stiles’ offer, he'll have to call him back.

Derek doesn't call back and Stiles arrives at the diner 10 minutes early, he orders waffle with salted caramel for himself and takes liberty to order cheesecake for Derek, then as soon as it arrives he regrets doing so. Maybe Derek doesn't even like Oreos, maybe they weren't for him, maybe they were actually for someone else, maybe they were for Braeden, oh god, Braeden, he forgot about her completely, they were definitely for her, he's so stupid.

“Hey” Derek slips on the sit in front of him and interrupts his internal monologue slash freak out, he looks a little pained. He's wearing thin dark grey Henley and his signature leather jacket. His hair is a little messy, tips a little wet, probably started raining outside again He looks good, appealing, attractive, not to Stiles but, to other people, like the lady at registers, who's staring at Derek like he's a piece of fresh meat, Stiles didn't see but he's sure Derek’s trousers are tight on his backside to have her looking like a thirsty dog.

“do werewolves have naturally high body heat, or do you sacrifice your health to wear that jacket and look cool?” Stiles says instead of complimenting him on his good looks. Derek rolls his eyes and doesn't answer him “fine, don't answer, it's not like i was kind enough to order you a treat” he points at the cheesecake in front of Derek

“thanks” Derek says shortly as he puts his phone and car keys away.

“how's the neighbor” Stiles asks 

“loud” Derek answers, and rolls a fork out of a napkin “annoying”

“you should be loud back at him,” he says and watches Derek dig in his cheesecake, looking at the waitress to call her to their table “y’know you and Braeden, should annoy him back, loudly” Derek lifts his gaze to Stiles as he chews

“hello, dear” waitress sing songs cheerily before Derek can say anything, she's rocking on her heels and looking at derek like she wants to eat him “can I get you anything?”

“chocolate latte, please” Derek says and gives her a polite smile and Stiles cocks his head a little, Derek always seemed like a black coffee kinda guy to him

“sugar?” she asks sweetly, she looks nice, blush is spreading all over her face, if she hit on Stiles instead, Stiles would gladly chat back

“four” Derek says shortly, not even looking at the girl

“oh my god, you have a sweet tooth!” Stiles exclaims. Derek looks at him disapprovingly, then looks at the waitress and nods politely to let her know that's all “Derek Hale the candy monster” 

“you are ridiculous” Derek snorts

“ _you_ are ridiculous, what kinda monster drinks coffee with 4 sugars, that's not normal” Derek glares at him and smirks a little

“a werewolf, apparently” he says and puts another piece of the cake in his mouth, chewing slowly

“shut up, you know I don't mean that” 

“do I?” Derek arches an eyebrow 

“shut up” he mutters and goes back to his giant plate of waffles

“Braedan left soon after we took off from Beacon hills” Derek says after a few minutes of quiet, and Stiles is thankful, it was already shifting from necessary to uncomfortable silence

“oh” Stiles tries to day with his mouth full, but it comes out as mhff “sorry, man” he says after he's done chewing “you guys seemed -” he pauses, looking for appropriate work “fine” Derek shrugs and takes a sip from his abomination of a drink

“it's fine, she's traveling, hunting things, and I'm, well, out” he doesn't seem particularly hurt, maybe he had time to adjust

“still sucks, i thought you finally found your wolf-mate and was going to settle down in your wolf den and have pups and all the jazz” he throws his hands mindlessly around, he knows it annoys Derek, but Stiles won't stop unless he’s told to.

“you've been reading too much fiction” Stiles wants to protest, _it's research,_ but Derek continues “Braeden didn't seem the time to settle down and have children, don't you think” 

“yeah, you are right. She's more of a sleeping at motels and kicking ass kinda type, y’know, like argents, but wilder” he says and takes last sip of his bitter coffee, wonders when will their waitress muster up enough courage to walk to their table again and refill his cup

“how's thing with Malia” Derek asks, and Stiles needs a moment to remember that he and Malia were a thing when Derek left.

“it's been over for a while, she's awesome, but things didn't work out” he shrugs and then doesn't know why but keeps talking “there was thing with Lydia before i left” he swallows and swear he can see Derek’s ears perk up a little “ that didn't work out either, thought it would, but, whatever”

“didn't you have a crush on her since you were little?” Derek asks, _Derek Hale, neighborhood werewolf/Dr.Phil_ Stiles thinks and snorts 

“yeah, i- i thought i loved her, so did she, and after” he pauses, Derek probably doesn't know anything about ghost raiders “there’s strong connection, you know, me and her, i thought i was love, but it's different” he shrugs. He and Lydia tried after he came back from nonexistence, it was nice, Lydia was perfect. They were both broken shattered into pieces but, she was still perfect. t was supposed to work. She was the love of his life. But it didn't, they were both pieces of the same puzzle but didn't fit together. Stiles had dreamt of every possible outcome of this, but none of them seemed to fit, none of them seemed to make the uneasiness of his heart go away. Lydia brought it up first. he knew she felt the same, knew there was unspoken space between them, the space he hadn't felt for a long time. It ended a month ago, but it never did end. Stiles loves her strongly, and he's sure so does Lydia, but it's not the kind of love they thought it was.

“Soul bond” Derek says calmly and looks at stiles like he's supposed to understand “it's called soul bond” he says and goes back to sipping his drink

“ah” Stiles nods “because that explains everything, no need to elaborate” he glares at Derek

“my family called it a soul bond” he say “it doesn't have to be romantic, it's a deep emotional and spiritual connection between people, that's why some people gravitate toward each other. My grandmother told us it was because some people carry the light of the same star. She said people's hearts were beating because stars put their light in them, so people who carry the light of the same that are drawn to each other” Derek explains calmly. Stiles never thought about just how much does Derek know about the supernatural. Sure he know more than him Scott and Lydia, but just how far does his knowledge go? Did his parents teach him about creatures of the night and how to deal with them or was it just the stories they told him as a kid? Or did he learn it from the books he always seems to be reading. “I'm sure it's not quite like that, it's a legend, but in the world with werewolves, kanimas and demi-gods, there's always some truth behind every legend” 

“yeah” Stiles nods and leans back in his seat, his back cracks a little as he stretches, probably should go have it checked out soon “it kinda makes sense, maybe stars didn’t will it, but there's definitely a bond” 

“how's Scott?” Derek asks “how is he handling things on his own?” 

“he's, well, he’s doing pretty fine, you know, still lacks a bit of common sense, but he's Scott” he says, his stupid best friend is still thinking about saving lives even away from Beacon Hills “last year was rough, soon after you left, there were these doctors, total psychos, and they started baking all sorts of supernatural beings in their magic oven, and Scott was of course thinking it was his responsibility to protect everyone, the usual” Derek leans forward and crosses his arms in front of him on the table, listening curiously to Stiles 

“what doctors?” he asks, his stupid thick brows furrowed 

“oh, man” Stiles grins “I have so much to tell you” he says and starts telling Derek all about the Dread Doctors and that asshole kid Theo. He leaves the Ghost Riders part out, maybe next time. Derek listens carefully and Stiles is thankful for that, Scott always gets easily distracted when Stiles tells him something, Malia usually doesn't listen, his focus on something else and Lydia hates listening to his stories, says Stiles tends to exaggerate, which is a complete lie, he's just a passionate storyteller. So it's a nice change to have a listener who actually listens, nods when he understands and asks questions when he needs to know more. It's not like Derek was always good at listening Stiles, he used to shut him up before he even started talking, which was stupid of him, Derek could have avoided lots of unfortunate events if he had listened to Stiles. 

When Stiles is finished with reciting another horrible part of his life Derek sits back and stays quiet for a moment, processing everything, then he looks down at his phone and yawns, Stiles is sure seeing Derek yawn all sleepy is weirder than his best friend being a werewolf and his ex-girlfriend a banshee. 

They leave soon after, Stiles bladder is killing him and judging from the state of the bathroom door, nothing remotely sanitary is behind it. Derek pays for their food and when Stiles tries to protest he just rolls his eyes and nudges him toward the door. 

He decides to walk home, Derek offers him a ride but he declines, wants to clear his head. He goes to the bathroom at McDonald's on the way, tries not to look guilty when he walks out. When he reaches his apartment his decides not walk across the block one more time. Weather is chilly outside and his boots are almost completely soaked, but he doesn't feel like going home just yet.

Scott texts him, asks him if he's okay? Why he's been MIA all day. Stiles tells him he got distracted by something. Doesn't feel like telling him that he spent the last 3 hours with Derek, he'll elaborate what that _something_ is when he calls Scott tomorrow. Scott sends back a quick text telling him to get some rest and kissing emojis. Stiles smiles and thanks god that he gets to call this dork his best friend.

He walks around mindlessly for fifteen more minutes before he decides his toes are freezing off and he should probably go home. When he walks inside and is greeted with his messy desk and unfinished assignment, his shoulders sag again. He takes off his shoes and jacket and leaves them on the floor by the front door.

He wants to take a shower, but he's too exhausted so he makes himself a steaming cup of chamomile tea instead, he kind of hates the taste, but Deaton told him to drink it whenever he felt anxious, and he is a little anxious about the assignment he’s not working on when he should be. He sits in front of the heater and sips from his cup and decides his assignments can wait till tomorrow. When he's done with his tea he texts Derek. Stiles’ not sure he'll even be awake, but texts him anyways.

“ _to Derek Hale_

_01:02_

_How's your neighbor”_

He presses send and closes his eyes, wrapping the blanket tighter about himself. He sits quietly and lets the warmth coming from the heater wash all over his body, lets his muscles relax. He falls asleep with his empty cup still in his lap and phone in his hands

When he wakes up it's dark, darker than it was when he fell asleep. He looks around and realizes he's not in his room, he can't see where he is. He can see metal shelves all around the room. He takes a step back and hears a water splash beneath him. He looks down at his feet and sees he’s standing in water. He is soaked from head to toe. When he looks back up he sees Scott in front of him, standing a few inches away from Stiles and looking at him with panicked expression. 

“Scott?” he asks, but Scott doesn't answer, stands there frozen. Stiles repeats his name, louder this time, he still doesn't answer. Scott takes a step back and lets his body hit the metal table behind him. That’s when it hits Stiles. they are at Deaton’s clinic. He flexes his finger around something, looks down at his hands and he's holding the sword and before he has time to think he's plunging the sword in Scott’s stomach. Scott growl weakly, and locks his eyes in Stiles’ looking at him betrayed. Stiles’ head spins, this can't be real..this can't be happening again. Nogitsune Is gone. They killed him. This is not possible

“Stiles” he whispers, his eyes full of pain and betrayal. Stiles’s heart thinks to the bottom of his body. He never wants Scott to look at him like this. He needs Scott to understand this is not him. He can't control his body. This is not him. Stiles would never hurt him.

“No” Stiles shouts “no, no , no, no, no” Stiles tries to think rationally. He pulls the sword out quickly and Scott falls on the ground, wheezing in pain “Scott” he says “Scott, no, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry” he puts a hand on gaping wound on Scott’s stomach and waits for him to heal. Stitch himself up quickly so Stiles can tell him it wasn't him, that he's sorry. But he doesn't heal, his blood turns black like it had when alphas slashed his stomach, when he couldn't heal. He coughs up black blood, not taking his wide eyes away from Stiles. Stiles shouts for help, shouts for Deaton, Liam, Lydia, anyone, but no one comes. No one helps him. He presses his hand on Scott’s wound harder but it doesn’t seem to help. He begs Scott to heal but he doesn’t, keeps bleeding out and Stiles can't do anything about it 

He wakes up again screaming, hands flailing in the air, he hears the clatter of his mug against wooden floor. He looks around, he's back in his room. Street lamp shining softly inside his flat, letting him know it's actually his house. It was just a dream, just another really bad dream. He scratches the palm of his hand to calm himself down, nervous habit he picked up after Nogitsune. He sits silently for a bit, letting his heart rate to go back to normal. When he feels a little better, calmer, he takes a deep breath and stretches in his seat and drops his phone on the floor as he does. Cursing he picks it up and checks for time, it's 3:46 and he has two text messages, both from Derek. 

_“from Derek Hale_

_01:23_

_Quiet, sleeping, snoring”_

Stiles snorts, good to know Derek is still a creeper. He yawns and looks at the second text

_“from Derek hale_

_01:32_

_Thanks for distracting me today”_

Smile spreads across his face at that, Derek hale thanking him for spending time with him, Stiles must still be dreaming. He yawns widely and texts Derek back even though he's sure Derek won't be awake to text back

_“to Derek Hale_

_03:50_

_No problem, just add that to the list of occasions I've saved you werewolf ass”_

He turns on his computer and starts looking for a movie to watch, he's sure he won't be able to fall asleep again, never has been after a nightmare. His mind too aware of the possibility that he might have another one if he goes back to sleep, fearing he might not be able to wake up again. His phone beeps when he's about to turn on the last part of the Pirates of the Caribbean, he's been meaning to watch it since it came out.

_“from Derek Hale_

_03:53_

_Shouldn't you be asleep”_

Stiles snorts and types a quick reply

_“to Derek hale_

_03:53_

_I was, can’t sleep now that I'm awake”_

_“from Derek Hale_

_03:54_

_Nightmare?”_

Stiles takes a deep breath, everyone in their weird supernatural crew knows about Stiles and his nightmares, about constant darkness around him and Scott, hiding in the deepest corner of their hearts, like a missing piece of their souls replaced by complete void. Derek has never talked to him about it. Stiles is sure Derek has his own nightmare, he can't not with the life he has had.

_“to Derek Hale_

_04:00_

_Yeah, haven't had them for a while, so I'm a little freaked”_

_“from Derek Hale_

_04:01_

_Did you try telling about it to water?”_

_“to Derek Hale_

_04:01_

_What?”_

_“from Derek Hale_

_04:04_

_Old folk story. You should tell your nightmares to running water, and water takes them away with it, washes you terrors away from your mind”_

Stiles snorts at that. Derek is such an old man. He probably knows more folk tales then old people.

_“to Derek Hale_

_04:05_

_Yeah, seems legit”_

_“from Derek Hale_

_04:05_

_Just trying to help”_

_“to Derek Hale_

_04:06_

_Yeah, i know, thanks, I'll try it”_

He texts back and gets up to make himself a cup of coffee, doubts telling his broken faucet about killing his best friend is gonna help him sleep. He shivers as he moves away from the heater and pulls the blanket closer to himself. He takes his phone with him and sends Derek another text while he waits for water to boil

_“to Derek Hale_

_04:11_

_Why are you awake?”_

_“to Derek Hale_

_04:12_

_Do you even sleep? Or just lurk outside and seek out potential teenagers to scare for life”_

He turns on the movie and lays down on his run down couch, ready to follow Jack Sparrow into another adventure

_“from Derek Hale_

_04:17_

_Yes, Stiles, I do sleep. Your text woke me up”_

Stiles can almost hear that hear that tired _Stiles_ coming out of Derek’s mouth, that kind he uses when he talks to Stiles like he's twelve, he completes it with eyeroll and a huff.

_“to Derek Hale_

_04:18_

_Sorry, go back to sleeping in your coffin or whatever”_

_“from Derek Hale_

_04:20_

_Tell the water, go to sleep. Goodnight”_

Typical Derek, talkative as ever, even when he's not around still bossing Stiles around _,_ ordering him to sleep, what even? He makes a face at his phone, even though Derek can't see him. He goes to bathroom anyway and flicks the tap “fuck it” he says and starts telling the water about his latest dream. When he gets back in his living room and starts the movie, he doesn't know if it's water helped him or Derek, but he falls asleep 10 minutes into the movie

-

It's four days later when he sees Derek again. He's in his last class of the day. it's late afternoon. sun has already sat a few hours ago. His professor is talking about the importance of learning the victimology and as much as Stiles tries to concentrate he can't understand half of what he's saying. He'll borrow notes from Jeremy who seems to be furiously writing them down, sitting next to Stiles. 

He doesn't feel like going home when the lecture is finished. Emilia asks him if he wants to go to her place and study, but for once Stiles has to decline an invitation from a girl, because he's fully aware of her crush on her and he's not an asshole to give her false hopes. Not that Emilia is not great, she's amazing, but there's something missing, something not there to attach Stiles to her. He calls Derek instead, asking him if he likes sushi.

“why do you wanna know?” Derek asks, his voice radiating suspicion like it usually does around Stiles

“I'm starving and don't feel like eating alone” Stiles says 

“You really should make some friends, you know” Derek says but Stiles can hear the keys jiggling on the other side of the line and grins

“then who’d drag your feral ass out of your dark den?” 

“where are you?” Derek asks instead of answering Stiles question. Doesn't matter that it was rhetorical, Stiles still deserves an answer.

“University” Stiles says “you know, being a responsible adult and getting my degree”

“text me the address, I'll pick you up”

Derek arrives to pick him up in 25 minutes and Stiles stomach is protesting even more than Stiles is. He says goodbye to his friends and walks to Derek’s pretentious car. He sees Jeremy gives him the look, but he shakes it off. He’ll explain later.

Derek doesn't take him to the restaurant Stiles told him to, instead drives them to a smaller restaurant on the other side of the city. The front door is too short. it tickles top of Stiles’ hair when he walks inside and Derek even has to duck a little to not hit his forehead 

“why are we here, again?” Stiles asks, taking in the overcrowded interior of the small room, there's too much red for Stiles’ sore eyes. Small wooden tables so close to each other he's not sure how they are going to walk between them, let alone sit and eat.

“because you wanted sushi” Derek answers shortly and walks to the registers to talk to the woman there, asking her for table for two

“and what’s wrong with the restaurant I chose?” Stiles protests but still follows Derek to their table

“nothing” Derek says and sits unnaturally comfortably in a too small chair “this one just has the best sushi in DC”

“doesn't look like it to be honest” Derek glares at him as he struggles to sit comfortably in his chair

“patience” is all he says, then turns to the waitress walking to their table and gives her his order

“and what can i get you” the waitress smiles at him, pen ready to write down his order

“i, um, I'll have whatever he's having” he says and points at Derek, like there’s anyone else on their table. Derek raises an eyebrow at him as their waitress walks away

“you've never had sushi” it's not a question, but a statement and yeah, well, Stiles will not be judged by his consumption of seafood, or lack of it there off 

“yeah, well” he says “sorry for not wanting to eat raw fish every weekend”

“You are an idiot” Derek shuffles in his seat to fish his phone out, there’s a sound of him hitting of keyboard and then sending a message.

“Cora?” Stiles asks

“Isaac” Stiles’ eyebrows arch at that, he hasn’t heard from Isaac since that dreadful day. None of the have, not even Scott. Stiles thought maybe he wanted to be left alone. Without a remainder of what he lost and what he left behind. 

“You talk to Isaac?” 

“Yeah, sometimes” Derek’s phone beeps. He smiles as he checks it “he called me two months ago. I check up on him sometimes after that” 

“Scott hasn’t mentioned him” Stiles shrugs and check his phone. He has one message from Maison, asking him if there’s anything about tricksters in Bestiary 

“I don’t think he talks to Scott” Derek says “after Allison, i don’t think he’s ready just yet” he explains, they must have been talking more than just checking up on each other. Stiles will add that his list of Weird Things Derek Does in Washington.

“Look at you” Stiles reaches over and claps him on the shoulder “being all reasonable and thoughtful, it’s a good look at you” _if only you had been like this when you were an alpha_ , Stiles wants to add, but keeps his mouth shut and enjoys the little smile Derek gives him instead. “Tell Isaac i said hi”

“Really?” Derek asked, smirking a little

“What?” Stiles protests “Isaac loves me” 

“Since when?” Derek asks and Stiles is about to list off times Stiles saved Isaac’s life, or helped Scott save his life at least, but their food arrives and he forgets whatever he was about to say. 

He looks at his food with a little disgust, but well, he insisted on it. So he will man up and eat his raw fish like a big boy. Chopsticks proves to be a struggle, even though he Googled how to use them on his phone on the way here. He huffs furiously when he drops the roll for the tenth time. He glares at his plate like it has done something seriously messed up to him. He looks up to Derek and sees him eating peacefully, using his chopsticks like a pro. He huffs again. Wonders how it feels to look perfect even when eating. When Stiles eats he looks like a rabid dog who saw the bone for the first time in years. 

“Jesus, Stiles” Derek looks at his hands, failing miserably to properly to pick up a roll. Derek puts his sticks down and reaches over the table a takes Stiles’ from him. “Put your fingers together like this” he holds up a hand and shows Stiles, his ring and little fingers bent. Stiles holds up his right hand and mirrors him. Derek nods approvingly. He takes Stiles’ chopsticks and puts them between his fingers, then presses his thumb over Stiles’ and tightens his grip on a chopstick “Just move the first one” Derek says and leans back in his seat. He watches Stiles as he successfully picks up the roll, he grins widely but his joy is short lived. He drops the roll in a soy bowl with a groan. “Maybe you should just ask for a fork” Derek comments and goes back to eating his food, successfully popping it in his mouth with ease, unlike Stiles.

“I’ll get the hang of it” he grumbles, trying to readjust chopsticks in his hands, Derek reaches with one hand and corrects him again, aligning chopsticks perfectly in his hands. It seems so easy when Derek does it. “This is on my list” 

“A list?” Derek asks, chewing his food slowly

“Yeah, a list. With the kind of life i lead, thought i should make one” he says and fumbles with sticks again, causing Derek to fix them for him again.”like a bucket list, but i call it a fuck-it list, you know, things to do before i die, like eat sushi, go overseas, ride a motorcycle and that kinda stuff” he explains. 

“You’ve never ridden a motorcycle before?” Derek asks, amused. Stiles doesn’t answer right away, too concentrated on actually managing to eat his food. 

“No” he shortly says and tries not to disassemble the roll he picked up with so much struggle, he feels like this is the one, he will finally get to eat. He’s about to dip it in soy another time when the door of the restaurant slams with a loud bang. It startles him and he drops it again. He groans in annoyance. He’d slam his face on the table if didn't have a plate full of food in front of him.

“Okay, enough” Derek says and stand up from his chair. Stiles thinks they are about to leave because Derek can’t watch him struggle anymore, but he walks across the table instead and crouches down next to Stiles. “Give me your hand” he demand, Stiles cranes his neck to looks at Derek like he grew another head, but finds his face closer than he expected and his mouth goes a little dry. Derek huffs and Stiles can almost feel it on his one. “Stiles” he repeats and Stiles turns back, holding his palm out for Derek. Derek puts his chopsticks in his hands like before, but doesn’t take his hands away this time. He moves their joined hands toward the plate. This time he successfully picks up the roll he dropped. “Now, dip” Derek half whispers. His breath hot against Stiles’ cheek. Derek moves their hands towards the dip, he carefully dips it in and starts moving it towards Stiles’ mouth, eyes following the movement. Stiles almost forgets to open his mouth when Derek holds it up to him mouth. He chews slowly, enjoying the alien taste, it’s not as bad as he feared, he tells Derek so, who’s watching him with expectant eyes

“It’s not too bad” he sayს around the mouthful of food “not a fan of soy, but the rest is not that bad” he nods as he swallows. Then reaches for another roll. He notices Derek’s hand is still heavy on his when he tries to move it. Derek jerks it away and moves to sit back on his seat. Stiles carefully picks up another piece of food, he can feel Derek watching his every movement. Stiles feel like a child who has to use a potty in front of his parents for the first time. He’s about to dip it in guacamole when Derek speaks.

“Don't eat that” Stiles nearly drops his food again at Derek's voice. He cocks his head in question “it's Wasabi, not guacamole” he says as if he read Stiles’ mind. 

“I can handle some spice” He says

“have you ever had wasabi before?” Derek asks with a point and he's probably right. Stiles eats his food without going for wasabi again but whines a little in his throat to let Derek know that he's not gonna do everything Derek tells him to.

It takes him the same amount of time to eat half of his food as it takes Derek to eat all of his. Stiles had forgotten how much these wolves eat in one sitting. Scott once ate whole chicken for lunch and he remember Allison saying that Isaac ate 12 cheeseburgers before training. 

He reaches for his backpack when he's done eating and fishes out a blue notebook. he bought it a month ago, but it's almost full all the way. He can't help his habit of excessively writing down everything, important or not. He flips to the last page. FUCK-IT LIST written on top with big red letters. Derek snorts and Stiles glares at him. Derek shakes his head, turning his attention back to his phone. Stiles takes a black pen and crosses _sushi experience_ written in green letters. 

Derek drives him to work after. He’s working late shift today. He is 15 minutes late and Krista gives him an angry look. He’s been late 3 times this week, but this time it really wasn’t his fault. He started telling Derek all about his latest assignment and got distracted. Derek laughed when Stiles said his professor was most definitely some kind of a vampire that feeds off of misery of youth. Stiles will add him to the bestiary. 

He had nothing much to do at work. So in between helping the customers, he has behind the register and read the book. Krista walked around the store, eyed him weirdly few times. After checking every shelf and counter she sighed and set beside Stiles. 

“So, I’ve never seen that guy before” she speaks up and nudges Stiles lightly on the shoulder. Stiles looks up from his book. Krista is smiling at him playfully. He smiles back, not really understanding what she’s about

“Derek?” He says. Krista nods even though she couldn’t possibly know Derek’s name “yeah, he’s, ah-” he wants to say friend but he’s not sure if him and Derek qualify as friends. Stiles would call him a friend, because Derek honestly is closer to him than all the people he knows in Washington. None of them have saved his life from mystical creatures just yet. “A guy from back home” he says finally

“Are you dating him?” Krista wiggles her eyebrows at him. Stiles closes his book hard at that. 

“What? No” he nearly squeals. Krista looks at him skeptically, and he doesn’t understand why would she think that him and Derek are _dating_. “What? Why would you think that?” he asks hurriedly 

“He just seemed quite fond of you” Krista shrugs “didn’t drive off before you were safely inside” she says and well that’s right, but everyone does that with him. Making sure Stiles didn’t get eaten on his porch. Not that he’s gotten many rides from Derek, but it's a natural thing to do. 

“No, no, he’s just a friend, you know, from back home.” he coughs awkwardly, looking away from Krista. She is about to say something to her but door jingles and customer walks in and Stiles gets up to help them. It’s a 15 years old boy and he’s looking for a book about Greek Mythology. Stiles helps him out and gives him the biggest mythology encyclopedia they have in store. The boy seems a little skeptical, but ends up buying the book anyways. When he walks out Stiles goes back to reading his book. Krista sits quietly for a few minutes, shaking his leg. She checks her phone few times, then stands up to walk around the sore for a minute before he sits back with Stiles. She doesn’t really need to be here. She should have left when Stiles arrived, it’s his turn to lock up today, but she stuck around anyway. Stiles doesn’t mind, she’s nice, but when she huffs for the third time Stiles thinks he might snap at her.

“Could you introduce us?” she finally asks Stiles. And Stiles wants to groan. Why does this always happen to him. He looks up from his book again and looks at Krista. She is looking at him expectantly, bottom lip tucked between her teeth

“He, um, he has someone” Stiles doesn’t know why he says it. He could easily introduce them to each other, but he doesn’t want to. He’ll think about the reasons behind it later. 

“Oh” Krista says quietly. She shrugs “well, his loss” she laughs a little and goes back to walking around the store mindlessly. 

Stiles continues reading his book, but can’t seem to concentrate. He reads over the same line three times, before he grumbles to himself and decides to take a break. It’s a slow day, not many customers. Most wonder around the store and leave without buying anything. One girl comes and starts reading Charles Latham’s Garden Of Italy on the second floor. She stays for 30 minutes and leaves a slight marking on the page she stopped at. Krist doesn’t mind people reading books in the store. 

His mind wanders to Derek few times before the day is over. He convinces himself that he lied to Krista only because it would be a trouble for all three of them to introduce Derek to her. Considering Derek’s furry situation and unfriendly attitude toward strangers. It’s not because he is selfish and wants to be Derek’s only friend in the city. Not because he wants to be the only one Derek teaches how to use chopsticks too. 

He texts Scott and Mason. Apparently they have a trickster problem in Beacon Hills and it’s driving Liam up the wall. He searches for tricksters in every mythology book they have in the store. Which is a lot. He’s only halfway through them when his shift comes to an end and he has to lock up. Krista has left an hour ago, saying she had to do some grocery shopping before going home to his kid. 

-

He doesn’t expect to see Derek for next few days. He’s sure Derek has some things to do.. Things that don’t involve Stiles. So he’s a little shocked when Derek texts him the next day

_“From Derek Hale_

_21:38_

_When are you free?”_

Stiles cocks his head a little and looks at the clock above the Science Fiction shelf. He gets off at 10PM. It’s Krista’s turn to lock up today, so she probably won’t mind if Stiles leaves few minutes early.

_“To Derek Hale_

_21:39_

_few minutes. What’s up?”_

_“From Derek Hale_

_21:40_

_Where are you? I’ll pick you up”_

_“To Derek Hale_

_21:40_

_Okay, big guy. Enough with the orders”_

He tucks his phone in the front pocket of his jeans and starts collecting his stuff. Krista is reading one of the anatomy books on the second floor. He runs up the stairs find her half asleep in one of the armchairs. 

“Hey” he says loudly, Krista jumps a little in her seat. She takes off her glasses and smiles at Stiles “is it okay if I clock out a little early today?” Krista perks up a little, probably because Stiles has never asked to leave early before.

“Yeah” she nods “yeah, sure” she smiles at Stiles and gets up to follow him downstairs and takes his place at the registers. 

In the end he doesn’t have to clock out early. He actually has to wait for Derek outside after they lock up. Tips of his ears are so cold he barely can feel them. He checks his phone and it’s 22:07. He huffs, where the hell is Derek? Stiles thinks he probably should be a little worried, because it’s Derek and he might be dying from wolfsbane poisoning somewhere in the ditch. He leans against the bookstore door and watches hot air from his lungs go up in smoke in cold weather. 

He hears loud sound of the engine before he sees it. Few seconds later big, black, sleek motorcycle comes to a halt in front of him. Stiles blinks as the rider takes off the black helmet and reveals himself. Of course Derek would have a motorcycle. 

“If you think i’m getting anywhere near that thing, you are so wrong that no one has ever been that wrong before” Stiles says instead of greeting, pointing at Derek and his motorcycle. 

“It’s on your list” Derek grins. He looks so cliche. He’s wearing all black outfit with heavy boots and a leather jacket.. Even his helmet in black. His hair's all messy from wearing the helmet, eyes a little lidded as he looks at Stiles from under his lashes.He looks like he just stepped out of mechanics magazine cover and is headed to any girl’s daydream. He reaches behind him for another helmet, also black, of course, Derek and his obsession with monochromatic things. He holds it out for Stiles and grins maniacally. 

“You know” Stiles says, but reaches for the helmet anyways “i always thought if i died young, it’d be because Kanima ate me or some were-thing tore me to shreds, but this” he laughs a little humorlessly “i should never have put this on that stupid list”

“You are not gonna die” Derek says and helps him adjust the helmet on his head. Once he puts it on he can barely see anything.

“Yeah?” he says, his voice muffled by the helmet “my life seems to be in danger whenever I'm around you. I’m surprised I didn't die from fish poisoning yesterday”

“Get on the bike, Stiles” Derek says and puts on his own helmet. Stiles feels a little awkward getting on and basically plastering himself on Derek’s back. He hasn’t been this close to Derek since they were both paralyzed in police station and he was lying on top of Derek, unwillingly so. He sighs and clumsily gets on the back of the bike, trying not to knock them both over. 

Once he’s sitting on the bike, he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. When he imagined riding a motorcycle with someone else, it was usually him driving and his passengers hand were wrapped around his waist. He panics a little before he remembers he can put them behind him and avoid any awkwardness. 

Once Derek puts on his own helmet he leans forward and turns the keys. Engine reaves under Stiles and cold shiver runs down his spine. He’s gonna die. He’s gonna die on the back of Derek Hale’s motorcycle and his dad will have to spend countless hours figuring out how he raised such and idiot of a son. He takes a deep breath and tries to relax, millions of people ride bikes every day and don’t die, he tells himself.. Engine reaves again, louder this time and Stiles is sure Derek is doing it on purpose to rile him up. And it’s working. 

“Hold tight” Derek says, muffled, and reaves the engine one more time before taking off. As soon as the motorcycle takes off and cold air hits Stiles hard, every thought of any kind of awkwardness is gone and he wraps his hand around Derek’s middle so hard he’s surprised Derek doesn’t suffocate. He can faintly hear Derek let out a laugh and pray to every god imaginable to live through this, so he can kill Derek. He keeps his eyes shut for half of the ride. Tries to imagine he’s on a rollercoaster. Few minutes later he opens one eye and sees they are on the opposite side of his part of the city. Stiles has only been in this parts once or twice. 

He tries to steady his breathing when he realizes that this won’t be a short ride. Once he manages to do that, it’s not that bad anymore. He relaxes his hands around Derek’s waist and feels him take a deep breathe. His stomach raising against Stiles’ hand. He’s only wearing a thin shirt, of course, because apparently werewolves never get cold. He drums his fingers a little, just to feel Derek’s pecks jump a little. He snorts when they do “asshole” mutters quietly to himself. Derek swerves suddenly, nearly dropping Stiles on the ground and painting the streets of DC with his brains, causing him to tighten his hold of Derek again.. Stupid wolves and their super hearing. 

For the rest of the ride Stiles doesn’t loosen his grip. Holds Derek so tightly his knuckles are all white. Stiles doesn’t notice when they stop, his eyes shut too hard and his hold on Derek too tight. His mind is so occupied with wanting his trip to finally come to an end then he doesn’t notice when it actually does. 

“Stiles” Derek says. Stiles doesn’t react, just squeezes his eyes tighter and hums quietly “Stiles, we’re here” Derek says and tries to free himself from Stiles hold. He opens one eye and peaks at the place, they have indeed stopped. But they are not at his apartment. Of course, because Derek is the Devil and he has to make Stiles ride this thing back to his place. 

He hesitantly lets go off Derek, not trusting his balance just yet. Derek hops off the bike with ease and takes his helmet off like a fucking commercial model. Stiles watches him bitterly, if he tried it, he’d look like he just stepped out of a cage where he was stuck with three monkey and an emu and they mutilated him or whatever. He shakes his head and gets off the bike too. As soon as he steps on the ground, his balance betrays him and he nearly faceplants into the concrete

“Woah, there” Derek says and catches him with a hand on his chest “careful” he puts another hand on Stiles’ back to keep him steady. He’s so glad Derek can’t see behind the helmet, because Stiles nearly melts into his touch, must be adrenaline. He reaches for his helmet with a shaky hand and fumbles with the lock unsuccessfully. Derek takes a hand that was on his back and clicks it open in a second. “You okay to stand on your own, _big guy?_ ” he asks and smirks at Stiles. He wants to smack him right now so much. He doesn’t, nods instead. Derek lets go of him and takes off his helmet carefully, then reaches and ruffles his hair with one hand, grinning widely. 

“When the hell did you even get this thing” Stiles asks as soon as he’s free of the helmet. His hair is probably all messed up. Derek made sure of that. But he doesn’t reach out to fix it. Instead watches Derek grin as he locks the helmets and pockets the keys. Derek doesn’t answers. He turns to him and nudges him towards the- “Movie theater?” Stiles' eyes Derek skeptically “what the hell are we doing here?” 

“Watching a movie” he says and opens the door to push Stiles inside. 

“Since when do you watch movies?” Stiles asks. He’s still holding onto his theory that Derek is actually a caveman and is pretending to be civilized because he got bored of eating rats and racoons all the time. Conning them all for food. 

“Since, they started making them” he says “you know, started with mute movies, Charlie Chaplin was a hit when it came out” 

“Haha” Stiles rolls his eyes “stop pretending to be so old. It’s not funny” he walks wherever Derek pushes him, which end up being the probably smallest hall he’s even been in. it probably has 25 seats the most. If the screen were few inches smaller it’d be the same size they had in school. “Where did you even find a cinema this small”

“It’s a private cinema. I know the owner” Derek says and walks them down the rows of seats, he stops in the middle and nudges Stiles to move and sit. That honestly throws Stiles back. This is the conversation he never thought he'd have with Derek.

“you know the owner?” Stiles nearly shouts, he's shocked to say the least. Derek rolls his eyes and sits next to him. 

“he's my neighbor” he says it like it's supposed to explain why Derek know him, it’s not like he has housewarming parties and cooks casserole for his neighbors. He’s more like ignoring and scowling kinda neighbor 

“and you talk to your neighbors since when?” Derek turns to him. It’s too dark to see his face but Stiles is sure Derek is glaring at him

“Since he flooded my apartment” Derek says. So it’s not a loft anymore, Stiles actually lives in a proper apartment. With neighbors that own cinemas. Maybe he really is starting to become a normal person, maybe he always was. That thought kinda freaks him out “he owes me a favor,” he adds. Stiles looks around, he can’t see much but he can see that they are the only ones in the hall. He recalls no one standing at the door to take their tickets and then it clicks.

“We are all alone” he says and looks at Derek in the dark

“Great observation, that pre-FBI is really paying off, isn't it?” Derek says flatly, as if it’s nothing.

“Did you rent out a whole theater?” 

“No, _Stiles_ , i didn’t rent out the whole theater” there he is again, talking to Stiles like he’s a child. Stiles wants to punch him for the second time in an hour. “It’s a private cinema, being alone is the general idea” he explains and shifts in his seat to take off his jacket, when he settles back his arm presses close to Stiles’.

“Because you can’t watch movies like a normal person” Stiles says and clicks his teeth, there he was thinking Derek was normal for once.

“No i can’t” he doesn’t sound like he’s joking or just amusing Stiles “i can hear everyone eating popcorn and whispering during the movie, so no, I can't really watch in full cinemas” and that actually does make sense. Stiles doesn’t say anything, doesn’t know what to say. He wants to ask if Derek goes to places like this every time he wants to catch a movie, but decides not to and tries to get comfortable in his seat without pulling his arm away from Dereks. 

“And there I was thinking you were being all romantic and trying to woo me” he jokes, but feels apple of his cheek hit up as soon as the words leave his mouth. No one has ever tried to woo Stiles, but if they did, this would have been a great way to do it. Derek doesn’t answer, just looks at stiles from the corner of his eye and huffs out a little laugh. 

He checks his phone, he has no new notifications. He puts it on silent mode so it won’t disturb Derek during his cherished movie time. When screen lights up and movie starts rolling Stiles tries to be as still as possible, even tries to quieten his breathing. He looks at Derek as the movie starts, his eyes glued to the screen. Light coming from it illuminating his face slightly, he has his chin resting his hands. He blinks slowly, not tearing his eyes away from the screen and then Stiles’ breath catches in his throat. 

He looks at Derek and realizes he has never seen him like this before, never seen him calm and doing something just for his own satisfaction. Not trying to find or kill or protect anyone. Just looking at the screen and genuinely enjoying himself. He takes a deep breath and tries to capture this moment in his mind. So he can think about it some more when he gets home, think about how his always sharp expression is softer now, even his face is softer. Derek looks at him and cocks an eyebrow, Stiles watches for a second before he snaps out and shakes his head, turning his attention to the screen. Movie hasn’t started yet. He missed the title but when he looks it says Nicolas Winding Refn and as Stiles reads it he knows he’s going to fall asleep before they even reach the middle of the film.

He is not wrong, they are probably 15 minutes into following Cillian Murphy around the town trying to sell some kind of a new drug. when his eyes slips shut. It’s not his fault. He’s had a long day and Derek apparently likes boring ass, artsy movies; the exact opposite of what Stiles prefers. 

He doesn’t know when he wakes up. He slowly blinks sleep out of his eyes and looks at the screen, credits are already rolling. He looks beside him to say something, but Derek is not there. He really hopes this is not his revenge for falling asleep during the movie. Stiles doesn’t even know where he is, he can’t go home alone. 

“Derek?” he calls out. No answer. He gets up and puts his coat on. He walks down to the exit door and pushes it but it doesn’t open. He pushes and pulls a few more times before giving up on it going back up to the door they came in from. He pushes but it’s locked too. Panic starts making its way to his head. He takes a deep breath and pulls his phone out. It’s dead. He goes back to pulling and pushing the door, but it doesn’t even budge, like it’s built in. he takes a deep breath and starts looking for another way out. He looks for vents or stairs or anything, but he doesn’t find it. 

He’s on the verge of panic when the lights go out, leaving him in complete darkness. He tries shaking his hand in front of his face but he can’t see nothing. He lets himself panic then, starts calling out for Derek, for anyone. He tries to find the door again and trips on one of the stairs and falls against the wall. Once he falls he can’t get back up, can’t find anything to hold on to. He can’t hear a single sound, can’t call for anyone; He tries to calm his breathing, count to three then inhales, one two three and exhales, he repeats it until his breathing is calm enough that he can speak again. He shouts for Derek one more time, hoping this is some kind of sick joke, Derek is playing on him. But Derek doesn’t answer, no one does. No one unlit he hears it

“Hello, Stiles” he hears his own voice say. Shiver runs through his whole body. This just cannot be it. Cannot be him, he’s dead. He’s gone forever “but I'm not, I'm right here” the voice says again and that’s when Stiles screams. 

He feels someone restraining his arms when he comes too light, sound of his own screams ringing in his ears. He tries getting up, tries escaping, but he can’t, two strong arms are holding him down, holding him in place. He closes his eyes again, tries to remember where he is. Tries listening to the voice that is talking to them. 

“You are fine” he makes out through the sound of his ragged breathing and swallowed sobs. He tries breathing again, deep breathes, the voice tells him and he obeys, inhales deeply few times, count to three, then exhales, just like he did in his dream. He says his own name, tries to remember who he is and how he got here. He finally comes to himself after he repeats it three more times. He is on the floor of the cinema. Derek is holding him tight from behind, telling him he’s fine, that this is real, it was just a nightmare. He finally relaxes his body then. Drops completely limp in Derek’s arms. “You will be okay” Derek says in his ear and Stiles really wants to believe him.

He lays there for a few more minutes, letting Derek talk to him slowly. Tell him things he needs to hear, make him breathe steadily, just like his dad and Scott used too. He is okay most of the times when he wakes up from a nightmare, but the ones where he dreams of himself are the worst, they look exactly like the ones he had when he was possessed, he needs some time after them, needs to remember this is all real. Derek helps him sit up a few minutes later. They sit on the floor, Stiles leaning against the back of the seats, Derek sitting close next to him. Derek keeps one of his hands wrapped around Stiles’ lower arm and Stiles is grateful for that, uses the feeling of Derek’s warm hand to ground himself to reality. Stop himself from slipping away again. 

“Okay?” Derek asks after silence between them stretches too long and all Stiles can hear is the sound of someone being suffocated in the movie. Stiles nods. Not trusting his voice yet. He wipes at the drying tears at his cheek and looks up at Derek. He is watching him carefully, posture completely changed from before, more alert, brows furrowed in concentration as he watches every move Stiles’ makes.. Stiles can see through his attempt to stay calm for Stiles’ sake. He feels terrible for ruining this evening for him. He thinks of the way Derek was before Stiles’ slipped into darkness. Content and not worrying about anything. He wants to give this back to him, wants to run away so Derek won’t have to worry about him. “Let’s get out of here” Derek says and stands up effortlessly and offers his hand to Stiles to haul him up. Movie is still playing as they walk out, lighting the hall into flashy neon colors. 

“Do you want to take a cab?” Derek asks once they are outside and Stiles feels like he can breathe again, once he is not stuck in a tiny room anymore. 

“No” Stiles shakes his head “no, it’s fine” Derek raises his brows but hands him a helmet anyways. Stiles puts it on and waits for Derek to fasten the lock for him, when he pulls the black shield down and everything darkens around him, his breath catches in his throat, a slight sense of panic settles in his body. Derek looks back at him and puts a hand on his shoulder and keeps it there before tensions slips out of his body. 

He doesn’t hesitate to wrap himself around Derek this time. He silently gets behind him and wraps his arms tightly around Derek’s middle. He closes his eyes and wills his heart to calm down as they race around the city. He tries not to think about going home and spending the night alone with his thoughts. He opens his eyes when they stop at red lights and doesn’t close them for the rest of the ride. He soon realizes Derek isn’t taking him home but doesn’t protest, doesn’t even care where they are going. He just doesn’t want to go home. They pull up by the park near Stiles’ university. 

He’s body is buzzing from rush of adrenaline as he climbs down once again. Derek again takes his helmet off and steadies him with a hand on his shoulder. They walk through the park silently for a while, before all Stiles can hear is their steps and his own breathing. 

“I’m sorry, for ruining your movie” he says as they sit on the bench and watch as wind rustles the mostly naked trees in the moonlight. “I’ll make it up to you” 

“It’s fine” Derek sounds calm, soothing even. Stiles thinks if Derek ever had to do this for anyone else before. If Laura had nightmares, or was is her comforting him when Derek dreamt of Kate or their burning family. 

“Next time choose less boring movie” he jokes flatly, doesn’t feel like laughing in the slightest. 

“I’ll make sure to check in with you” Derek says and Stiles can hear sarcasm dripping from his voice, but smiles anyway. Just the idea of _the next time_ makes him feel better. He feels fond of his newfound friendship with Derek. The progress they made since they met first makes him feel optimistic. 

“How’s Cora doing?” Stiles nudges his shoulder, trying to lighten up both of them “how the boyfriend?” 

“She’s fine” Derek’s voice sounds so sour it makes Stiles cringe “boyfriend’s fine too, they are in Florida”

“Tell her that I'm jealous and to put some color on herself” Stiles says, Derek probably won’t. He probably hasn’t even told Cora that he met Stiles. Cora was never that fond of Stiles to begin with.

“Werewolves can’t tan” Derek says back. He titles his head up and looks up at the sky, watches moon shining above them.

“Really?” he asks “and there goes my idea to give you a solarium membership gift card for birthday” 

“You don’t even know my birthday” Derek says, still looking at the moon. Gets Stiles wondering if moon has more to do with the way werewolves are other than making them feral on full moon. Do they actually have connection with moon or is he confusing fiction and reality again

“I’ll figure it out” Stiles shrugs “i’m pre FBI”

“Good luck with that” 

“You think you are some kind of a mystery to figure out” Stiles sits up and turns to his side to look down at Derek “but you are not, wolfman, i got you all figured out” Derek looks up at him, but doesn’t say anything, his lip turned up to the side a little into an almost smirk. He looks at Stiles like he’s going to eat him. He has seen Derek look like this, has seen Derek look at him like this before. That time when he growled Isaac into submission in police station on that dreadful day. Showing off his newfound power to Stiles. Remembers the wild look at his eyes and smile that made Stiles’ insides itch with something he didn’t understand. Stiles shifts in his sit as he looks down for a second and then looks back up. Derek is still staring at him, making his skin crawl.

“Is that so?” he finally speaks up, his voice low and smooth. Stiles’ feels himself flush red from the tips of his ears to his collarbones. He shivers in his seat and looks away. Looks into the distance and tries to figure out why he’s so intimidated by just two words Derek said to him.

He has many dreams that night. He doesn’t dream about anything bad, doesn’t dream of things that haunt him and doesn’t dream of darkness. He dreams of wolves and Derek. He doesn’t remember what he sees, but when he wakes up in the early afternoon, he feels uncharacteristically positive and blames it on 13 hours of sleep he finally got. 

-

Next week goes by faster than he anticipated, between countless projects, work and researching about the Bacon Hills trickster times passes so fast he doesn’t notice it’s Saturday again. He has a day off at work. He goes to morning lecture and comes back home at 10am. He cooks himself second breakfast while he skypes his dad. Apparently those robberies were connected to the trickster. Last crime scene is Eichen House, it makes Stiles shift little uneasily in his seat. But tension is gone as soon as he reads file report. Trickster stole a truck full of drugs while looking like a R.P McMurphy. Stiles laughs loudly causing his father to glare at him. 

He calls Scott later. He’s talking to liam on the phone, going over what happened in Eichen House. 

“So i was thinking” Stiles says and shoves a handful of chips in his mouth. “It can shapeshift right?” Scott nods “but it only strikes at night, when it’s dark” 

“Yeah, except that one time when he made that purple rain” he says 

“That was cool, I have to say, nice symbolism, i love that song” Scott grins at that, god, Stiles misses him so much. “Anyway, when the rain started he wasn’t physically involved right?” he waits for Scott to nod before he continues “so, i was thinking, maybe he can shapeshift only at night, like Noshiko, she always had her powers but, Oni would only appear after sunset, maybe it’s the moon or just a night thing. like he still has powers in the morning, but only can change appearance during night.” he says and drops his pen to imitate dropping a mic.

“That makes sense” Scott mumbles “I’ll tell Liam. if that’s true that makes it easier to catch him” he reaches for his phone on the bed beside him and starts texting. 

“Yeah, he’s only stuck in one form during the day” Stiles says and starts texting Mason himself too “they only have to figure out what that form is. They probably should talk to Noshiko too. 

“You should call your dad” Scott tells him “ask him if there’s anyone new in town” Stiles will do that. Whoever it is, they have to be new in town, or have newly gained their power, which is very unlikely. Tricksters as powerful as this one are at least a hundred years old. 

“Yeah I'll text him later to talk to Liam” he loudly crumbles empty bag of chips and throws it in a trash can in the corner, he misses miserably. He’ll put it away when he’s done talking to Scott “what are you up to today?” he asks Scott 

“Studying” he says “I’m a little behind on my homework. Not so little, maybe.” he shrugs “i’m trying to catch up, Ashley’s coming over later to help me” 

“Ah” Stiles wiggles his eyebrows “Studying then, hm?” he grins widely and watches Scott go red

“She’s really smart” Scott doesn’t even deny it. He’s been looking happy since he started seeing Ashley. He said he didn’t know when Kira was coming back and they all have learned that their lives may end any given day, so he can’t sit around and wait for someone who might never come back. 

“I’m happy for you, man” Stiles would pat him on the shoulder if he were there “I'm really glad you found someone”

“Thanks, buddy” Scott says “how are you doing? Anyone new?” 

“Nah” he stretches in his chair “not really, same old”

“Have you talked to Lydia yet?” Scott asks carefully.”

“Yeah” Stiles half yawns “we talked a few days ago, we seem to be going back to normal. She’s much better at this than me. She glared at me through the screen before I told her we were fine.” he laughs lightly, recalling Lydia’s fierce look as she lectured him about mistakes and relationships. 

“Sounds like Lydia” Scott laughs “did you see Derek lately?” 

“Yeah, I saw him last week. Did you know he has a motorcycle?” he says, little in awe. He shudders at the unpleasant feeling the memory of that day brings. “He gave me a ride from work” 

“Really?” Scott’s voice is muffled as he walks away from his laptop to look for something in his drawer. “Did you sit on the back?” he asks and Stiles can hear teasing tone of his voice 

“Yes” Stiles says “I nearly fainted, so yes, I did sit i the back and i got to hug Derek Hale, unlike you, i can put it on my CV. after hours occupation: cuddling deadly predators.” Scott laughs loudly. 

“Ask him about the trickster next time you see him. He might know something” Scott tells him as he sits back down in front of his laptop. He opens a notebook he got from his drawer and starts writing things down. 

“Why do you even assume i’m gonna see him again” Scott raises a sceptical eyebrow at him “what? He’s not exactly a fan of me?” 

“I dunno” Scott shrugs “he seems to like you enough to feed you Sushi. Kira’s parents fed me sushi” he grins at Stiles in a way that he can only be qualified as devilish. Stiles groans, instantly regrets telling Scott about the chopsticks incident. “It’s okay, i haven’t told anyone” he says and laughs and Stiles deliberately falls off his chair.

-

He spends the rest of the day researching about tricksters, watching movies and stuffing his face with everything he can find in his tiny apartment. He calls his dad about new people. Sheriff says he’ll make a list and talk to Liam and Mason about it after work. He takes naps, cooks himself dinner, watches few episodes of Star Trek. He’s bored out of his mind around 10PM. He checks his Facebook. He’s got one text from Dean from his Criminal Law class. It’s an invitation to a party, he considers ignoring it, but he has nothing better to do so he throws on somewhat decent outfit and calls a cab

It’s a house party. The house it too big to be anyone’s Stiles knows. It’s a three story house with a pool as big as Stiles’ entire apartment. He starts looking for anyone he knows, end up finding Marina, a girl he trades his notes with sometimes. She’s with her girlfriend, who happens to be one of the organizers of the party. She says they rent the house on weekdays to throw parties. Stiles is relieved to hear that, glad that no one around his age has achieved enough to own a house like this. 

He walks upstairs. Second floor is quieter than the first one, it’s mostly one big empty space with 3 couches and countless bean chairs thrown around the place. Air is filled with smoke, most of which Stiles is sure isn’t coming from cigarettes. He sees Dean in one of the bean bags, making out with a girl Stiles has never sees before, he turns around, deciding he’ll say hello later. 

He walks back downstairs and gets a drink from makeshift bar in the kitchen. He drowns half of his rum and coke in one gulp. He chats with the girl he finds standing next to the fireplace, trying to warm her freezing hands. Her name’s Anika and she studies science. She says she comes here almost every weekend. She tells Stiles that first floor is for drinking and dancing, second floor is for chilling and third is for what comes after drinking and chilling. She makes Stiles laugh out loud. He’s on his third drink when his bladder informs him it’s time to take a break. He excuses himself and heads toward the bathroom. It’s locked, to no one’s surprise. A guy next to the bathroom door tells him people are most likely fucking inside, and that there’s another toilet in basement.

He walks around the room to find a way to the basement and when he turns around after jiggling another locked door he runs into someone, spilling his drink all over them. The guy is big, probably bigger than Boys was, who was probably the biggest guy Stiles has ever known and is looking Stiles with what can only be qualified as fuming rage

“Oh, shit” he mumbles and look up at the guy. Shiver runs down his spine as he sees the guy’s expression, his brows drawn together in an angry scowl, eyes trained furiously at Stiles. “I’m so sorry, man” Stiles says and he swears he hears the guy growl as he pushes him against the door, before walking away. 

He shakes his head and walks away. He finds the door to the basement on third try. Basement is completely empty, there are few plastic cups on shelves and a what seems to be a beer pong table in the middle of the room to indicate that people were here not long ago. Bathroom door has a penis drawn on it in neon red light. Stiles snorts and walks inside. 

When he’s done relieving himself he washes his hands, once he looks at himself in a mirror he realizes he’s a little tipsier than he thought he’d be. He flushes cold water on his face to sober up. He straightens his clothes and opens the door to go back to the party. He screams when he opens the door, the guy he spilled his drink on is standing there, his eyes glowing bright golden, his mouth open, showing off his sharp teeth, he grows when he sees Stiles. 

“Oh my god” screams and shuts the door close, locking it behind him. The guy, werewolf, starts pushing the door. Scratching at it with his claws. Stiles can hear him growling angrily outside the door. He curses when he remembers it’s full moon today. He hates freshly cooked up werewolves so much. “Oh, god” he repeats and leans against the sink, he’s gonna die in a bathroom in some stranger’s, shredded to pieces buy a werewolf. 

His searches for his phone in his pockets and does what he should have done the second he saw the guys glowing eyes, he dials Derek with shaky fingers. The guys is still clawing at the door and if he keeps it up, it won’t be long before he drills a hole in the door and then in Stiles’ stomach. 

“Hey, Stiles” Derek says when he finally picks up, he sounds friendly and if Stiles weren’t few minutes away from imminent death he’d be happy that Derek for once doesn’t sound like he’s annoyed to hear from him.

“Oh my god, i’m so glad you picked up” he screams into his phone 

“What’s wrong Stiles?” Derek says, sounding worried, he probably even did that dramatic jump he does when he hears a bad news. “Are you okay?”

“I’m absolutely not okay, i’m at this party and there’s a werewolf out of control, and he’s trying to kill me” Stiles says rushedly, trying to push everything he finds against the door. The guy is not trying to break the lock and slam the door open.

“Where are you, Stiles?” Derek nearly shouts in the phone “tell me the address right now” Stiles shouts more or less correct address to Derek and hopes to god and moon and to whoever out there listening that he doesn’t get turned into a werewolf chew toy before Derek arrives. He really wishes he knew where Derek lives, so he could calculate when he will get there. 

The door is thin wooden door, not made to withstand the attack of a feral, fully charged werewolf desperate to take it down. Time stretches as he waits for Derek to arrive. He starts looking around the bathroom and looks for something to protect himself with unless derek isn’t fast enough. He finds few empty bottles of shampoo, empty plastic cups and a deodorant. Deodorant, it could work if he sprays the guy with it. Might not blind him but, it will win Stiles few more seconds. He opens every. 

He can hear the wolf growling outside the door like a starved animal. The door hinges rustle loudly, it won’t hold for much longer. Stiles backs up against the wall and hold on to the bloody deodorant for life. Door is barely holding onto his hinges. Stiles feels like maybe he should call his dad, say final goodbye because Derek is nowhere to be seen and the thin door will not hold the wolf for much longer. 

He falls on his ass when door is finally ripped off its hinges. It falls on Stiles, crushing him under it, he screams and scrambles back, trying to shield himself under the door. The guys is completely wolfed out, looking as ugly as any werewolf Stiles has ever see. He roars loudly and crouches down to claw at Stiles. Stiles pulls his right hand from under the door and screams as he sprays the deodorant in his eyes. It only seems to make him angrier, if that’s possible. He roars again and claws at Stiles arm, making him drop the can. Stiles wails in pain, why does this always happen to him. He feels the door being lifted off him and when he looks back up he can see the guy standing above him, one clawed hand raised in the air, ready to rip Stiles’ throat out. He closes his eyes and prays the guy will take pity on him and make his death quick and painless. He waits for it to come for a few seconds, but it doesn’t come. He opens his eyes and the guys is gone. 

He can hear growling and roaring outside the room. Close to him, he crawls forward to peek outside and sees Derek wrestling the guy on the floor, holding him down by his throat. The guy is trying to claw at him from beneath. Derek roars loudly at him and Stiles swears for a second Derek’s face is more wolf than human. To his surprise the guy starts shifting back to human, more human than he was even before Stiles pissed him off. He doesn’t look like terrified of Derek like Isaac did, but he looks taken aback, he tries to sit up but Derek hold him down by the strong hold he has on his throat. 

“Go, find an alpha” Derek says and lets go off the guy. He scrambles up on his feet and starts running towards the door, he looks lost as he pauses by the stairs to glance back at Stiles. He hesitates for a moment, before he sprints up the stairs and disappears out of Stiles’ vision. As soon as the guy’s gone Stiles looks at Derek, he’s looking at Stiles, he doesn’t look like he did last time he did that, doesn’t look intimidating, doesn’t look like he’s trying to impress. He looks worried, scared even. Stiles chokes on his breath as the adrenaline is gone and pain from his arm comes rushing. Derek snaps out after that at rushes to him, “Are you okay?” he asks hurriedly as he crutches down Stiles’ side and starts examining his arm.

“I have no idea” Stiles chokes out, he honestly doesn’t. He probably should be more worried and scared than he is, but he’s not. He’s just glad to be alive. He winces in pain as Derek wraps a towel around his bleeding arm. Then he puts hand under his arm and hauls him on his feet.

“Here” Derek shrugs his jacket off and hands it to Stiles’ “cover your arm, I’ll take you to the hospital.” when Stiles doesn’t move to take it from him, Derek throws i carefully around his shoulders and starts leading him toward the stairs. Stiles walks slowly, winces with every step. Derek puts a hand on his neck and pushes the door open, leading them out into the party. There are even more people than there was before Stiles went downstairs. Derek walks him carefully, pushing people out of Stiles way so no one pushes at his injured arm. He feels pain seep out of his arms gradually, and pushes back to Derek’s hand on his neck, reckons it’s him taking Stiles pain. 

Once they are outside he can see Derek’s car parked right outside the door, nearly crushed into the porch. He winces as Derek takes his hand away from his neck and pain comes back rushing through his arm. He carefully sits in passengers sit, trying not to move too much. He can see the white towel wrapped around his injury is almost all red. When he pulls it off to peek inside he sees a gaping wound, it’s deep, he can almost see his bones. It looks disgusting, there too much blood and flesh for him to look at. He feels sick, not sure if he can hold it together on the way to the hospital. He should probably warn Derek about it. 

“I might faint” he warns as Derek puts keys into ignition “or throw up. Or both, throw up and then faint. Just so you know.” he stares at Derek in an attempt to not look down at his arm. 

“It’s just a scratch” Derek says and starts the car “you’ll be fine”

“A scratch?” Stiles rolls his eyes at how ridiculous Derek is “i could touch my bone if i wanted to, bastard nearly tore my arm off” he winces as Derek pulls out of the driveway and starts driving, towards the hospital. They should probably slow down a little. Stiles is certain they are driving way faster than the speed limit. His arm hurts so much he’s not gonna make him slow down. Derek doesn’t say anything, he keeps glancing at Stiles as they drive to the hospital to check if he’s still conscious. When they stop at the red light Derek takes one hand off the wheel and places it on Stiles’ arm, taking his pain. He keeps is there for the rest of the ride and Stiles is grateful that Derek’s hand is big enough to cover most of the injury so he doesn’t look down and pass out.

He’s never been to a hospital in DC. it’s nothing special, just like any other hospital Stiles has ever seen in person or tv. Derek stands next to him as they stitch him up, nodding along Stiles’ story of his neighbor’s feral dog that clawed at his hand as he was trying to so kindly feed it. Derek’s hand is always somewhere on Stiles, on his shoulder or his neck, carefully taking his pain. Stiles pats his hand when they are done and smiles up at him gratefully. Derek leads him out just as carefully as he lead him in. 

“you can't be that rich, that's absurd” he keeps yelling in the car after Derek paid his hospital bill while Stiles was in the bathroom. “You can’t keep doing that, your money is not unlimited! You will run out once” he turns to Derek and hopes if he glares at him enough he will cave in and apologize for being so… nice, ugh.

“do you remember bearer bonds they stole from Peter?” Derek asks calmly. He's driving much slower now, not trying to crash them into anything and end Stiles’ miserable life.

“yeah, the Benefactor money” Stiles confirms

“do you remember how much they were worth?” 

“117 million” Stiles sees where this is going, of course, Derek is a Millionaire, how could he forget

“That’s right” Derek glances at Stiles, he's not smiling but he's not glaring either, his face looks soft and content “after the fire, money was split in 3 parts. Me, Laura and Peter. After Laura, he part of the money automatically became mine, so you do the math” 

“that's a, wow, that's lots of money” Stiles says in disbelief. Derek Hale: werewolf, candy monster, expert stalker and a millionaire. He shakes his head, he has completely forgotten about bearer bonds, of course Hales were the Wealthiest Of Beacon Hills. “What about Cora? Shouldn’t she get Laura’s half?” 

“Technically she’s still dead, so no, it shouldn’t. But I offered and she said she managed 7 years without it, she’ll manage the rest” Derek shrugs “i put enough money on her account every month, she doesn’t spend half of it” Stiles nods, she can’t even picture Cora living a luxurious life, probably lives in worse conditions than Derek’s loft was, eating raw deer with his beloved or something. He snorts at the image “i know what you are thinking” Derek says and glances at Stiles, smile evident on his face “she’s not wild”

“I wasn’t thinking that” Stiles gapes, Derek can’t know him well enough to know what he’s thinking, he was probably thinking about wild Cora himself and decided to blame it on Stiles. Derek looks at him with raised brow and Stiles guiltily slides further down in his seat. He flinches and his bandaged hand catches the seat belt and jolts him in pain. Derek throws a quick glance at him and reaches out to touch his arm and take his pain, without calling Stiles and idiot or saying anything at all. 

“Not every werewolf is as in control as us” Derek says after the beat of silence, on a more serious note. He's not looking at Stiles, he's watching the road intensely “don't go out on full moon, today i might not have been fast enough. That boy was an omega. DC is a big city, you don't know how many of them are in here” Stiles wants to protest that he is not defenseless, but tonight he totally was. He might be smarter than everyone, but that saves them in the long run, he might know how to run and hide but today, when there was nowhere to run, he needed all kinds of defense he could get.

“are we having a moment?” Stiles ruins the moment because that's who he is “because I swear you just said you care if I live or die” Derek looks at him exasperated, then looks back at the road and shakes his head. Stiles can relate, he can't believe he said that either. 

“just stay inside and stay safe” Derek says and squeezes Stiles’ arm before letting go and parking outside Stiles’ building. He walks Stiles up to his apartment to make sure he doesn't fall and reopen his wounds. “I'll check on you tomorrow” he and unlocks the door for him, handing him key and bag of drugs they gave him at the hospital.

“okay” Stiles nods “thanks for today” Derek gives him a small smile and walk away from the door. Leaving Stiles dazed, leaning against the door frame. Thinking how much he'd like Derek to stay.

-

Derek checks up on his in the morning. He hasn't slept well. He's been turning and tossing all night, pain from his arm keeping his eyes shut for more than a few minutes, he fell asleep somewhere around the dawn, he didn't sleep heavily. Aware of the pain even in his sleep. 

Derek knocks on his door at 10am. Clad in his usual tight jeans and dark sweater. He has a plastic bag in his hands. 

“you should change” is the first thing he says, motioning at Stiles’ last night's clothes and he pushes past Stiles and inside his apartment, he takes a long sniff and scrunches up his face in sour expression “you smell like drugs and alcohol. Take a shower.”

“good morning to you too” Stiles grunts as he shuts the door and follows Derek in his living room.

“how's your arm?” he asks and drops the plastic bag in the small table in the middle of the room.

“bad” he sits on the couch and cradles his arm close to him. Derek drops in an armchair in front of him, he ruffled through the bag and handed Stiles a big bottle of mineral water and banana “what's this?” he took the food and bottle and looked at Derek with a confused expression

“I don't know” Derek shrugs, “I've never had to recover from wounds. I asked the cashier to put this together” he leans forward and take bottle and banana back from him after Stiles struggles to open them. He puts open bottle in front of him and hands him a peeled banana. 

“sometimes when you talk, i like to think about you when we first met and imagine then you saying the same things you say now. And it makes my insides laugh” Derek looks at him confused but laughs a little. He shakes his head and eats a banana of his own

“sometimes I want to understand how your mind works”

“pretty fast” he says with his mouth full “doesn't leave me time to get bored. I have to keep it working so I don't wonder places” he says 

“let me see your arm” Derek gets up from his chair it makes cricket noises as he does. He sits next to Stiles and tugs gently at his wounded arm, he lets him. Derek removes the bandage carefully and examines it thoroughly, twisting his arm a ways that hurts but he doesn't say anything “doesn't seem to be infected” he looks up at Stiles and sees his pained face. He starts taking his pain again and Stiles kind of want to tell him to stop. How much pain can he take without harming himself. “where do you keep bandages?” 

“in the bedroom, on the desk in hospital bag” he says and lays back against the back of the couch, finally a little relieved.

Derek walks away and comes back with the bag in his hands. He flops down next to Stiles and empties the bag in the table. Stiles hisses as antiseptic makes his wounds burn. Derek is careful when he wraps a bandage around Stiles. 

“you have to keep it clean” Derek warns him and chugs the bloody bandage and used cotton balls in the trash can in the corner. 

“won't i turn like Kate did though?” he asks, he's been thinking about it, even imagined himself as a selkie in his sleep. 

“Peter was an alpha” he explains “that guy was an omega. Only thing he can turn you into, is a whining teenage boy” Stiles makes a face at that, he doesn't whine. He complains just an acceptable amount for someone who has three enormous claw marks on his arm.

“you just have to be an asshole don't you?” he says and starts pouting at the turned off tv. Derek huffs out a little laugh and nudges his thigh.

“stop whining and go changed. We are getting breakfast.” he says and pushes Stiles off the couch. Stiles grunts but goes to his room anyway. Getting changed proves to be a challenge. He wrestles an undershirt and a sweater of for 5 minutes. Belt buckle makes his hand twist in a way that nearly makes him scream and ask Derek to do it for him. But he decides to harbor his dignity and somehow managed to make himself look somewhat presentable. When he goes back Derek is sitting on Stiles’ spot in the couch and reading one of the college books he left in the coffee table. 

Derek drives them to a little bakery Stiles walk by on his way to university every day. Lets Stiles wonder around and bakery and eat as much bread samples as he can stomach. He orders for them while Stiles inspects every kind of pastry they have and charms girl at registers into giving him a macaroon. 

“I always thought they’d be softer” Stiles slips into seat in front of Derek. Holding a half eaten green macaroon in his injured hand after their food has arrived “how come i get the salad and you get bacon and pancakes?” Stiles frowns at the plate twice the size of his head full of leafy greens and veggies

“I'm a werewolf. You’re an injured teenage spaz” he looks at Stiles pointedly and nudges the plate closer to him “so, me protein and sugar. you leafs and recovery” he says and points at Stiles salad like he has never seen one before. And maybe he hasn't, Stiles wouldn't be surprised.

“okay, _mom”_ Stiles grumbles and starts awkwardly digging into greens in his plate. Derek snorts and shakes his head. “do you boss Cora around like this too? Or does she growls at you when you try” he says with his mouth stuffed, it's not actually that bad, not better than pancakes Derek is consuming alarmingly fast, but good, doesn't taste like plastic in his mouth.

“she knows when to eat her greens and shut her mouth” Derek says

“You are such a sweet guy” Stiles says sarcastically and continues eating his salad, he’s pretty sure he’d recover just as fast if he ate pancakes but he’s also sure Derek doesn’t know it. He doesn’t say anything, not wanting to flush Derek’s efforts down the drain. 

“I try” Derek snarks back and puts a bacon in his mouth smugly not looking away from Stiles. He’s such an asshole, Stiles hates him so much. 

“You know what” Stiles says annoyed and puts his fork down. “You actually are sweet to me, so that I don't really care attitude isn’t working anymore, so there, i’ve got you cornered buddy, so you can drop the act, you are a sweet guy, i got you figured out” he says and point accusing finger at Derek. Derek swallows his bacon and laughs loudly, the couple on the next table looks at them and smile. Stiles gapes. “This is the first time I've heard you laugh” he says accusingly again. This is such a nice sound, his laugh. How dare Derek rob him of this sound, how dare he hoard it to himself and not share it with the world around him that so desperately needs to hear it. 

“You are accusing me of being sweet?” Derek sounds amused. He looks at Stiles with a huge smile on his face. It’s such a nice smile to go with such a nice laugh, he should smile more too.

“Well, i am. I couldn’t accuse you of being deadly and evil, because that’s how you want to be, so that’d be a compliment to you” Derek gives him a pointed look, drinking from his carrot smoothie, disgusting really “but you are a sweet guy and you don’t want anyone to know. But me, I know it all” he says and wishes he were holding something so he could imitate a mic drop.

“A guy buys you salad and you accuse him of being sweet” there he is again, with smiles and making jokes. How is Stiles supposed to resent him when he acts like that 

“A salad?” Stiles nearly screams, shaking his head in mock disbelief “this is more than just a salad and you know it!” Derek gives a little laugh and shakes his head 

“I don’t know why you are angry” Derek shrugs 

“I’m not angry!” Stiles states, angrily

“You are radiating anger” Derek says “I can smell it all over you!”

“Ughh” he groans and throws his head back. Derek is so frustrating, why can’t he just understand him “i just, ughh, my arm hurts and i’m frustrated” he lies, he hasn't slept well and Derek being, so un-Derek like frustrates him. Why can't he just go back to growling Derek and stop making Stiles feel all sorts of ways. 

Derek nods, smiles still evident on his face. Pulls his sleeve down and reaches over the table to touch Stiles’ arm and take his pain. The waitress walks by them and looks as Derek's veins color dark black. Stiles quickly slaps a hand over Derek’s and gives the waitress exaggerated grin. Derek ducks down his head and hides another smile growing on his face. 

Stiles relaxes, he feels like Derek is taking more than his pain. His anxiety slips out of his body too. Derek is looking at Stiles’ hand over his. Heat rushes to his face when Derek’s hand shift under his to grip his arm tighter. 

“doesn't this hurt you?” Stiles asks instead of taking his hand away “how much can you take without seriously hurting yourself?” 

“I can handle a slashed arm” he answers “this doesn't even hurt, honestly” he squeezes at Stiles arm gently and then softens his grip, hand just laying on Stiles’. When he looks down between the cracks of his fingers. Derek’s veins are no longer black, just regular normal veins. His hand is just lying there. On his arm, cradled by Stiles’ hand. 

“how much though? What about kidney pains, or like, slashed everything?” he asks

“it's not about the injury. It's about how much it hurts you. Sometimes paper cut is harder than a broken arm. This is normal, you hurt as much as you are supposed to.” he explains. He moves his thumb just a little, not enough to be a caress, but enough to make Stiles shiver.

“That makes sense” Stiles says “I’m a fan of that were-benefit. Claws and fangs, not so much, but that one's good” 

“I’ll show you something. Close your eyes” Derek tells him. Stiles’ raises an eyebrow but closes his eyes anyway. He feels like he’ll do everything he will tell him too. Derek turns his palm up and wraps his fingers around Stiles’. 

Stiles doesn't feel anything but blush painting his cheeks for a while. He just holds his hand still and waits for Derek to do his magic, literally. He taps his foot restlessly, if Derek wanted to hold his hand all he had to do was ask, not pretend to be doing some werewolf mojo. He cracks one eye open but closes it before he can see anything. Because that's when it hits him. Warm feeling all over his body, all over his mind. He doesn't know what it is but he feels happy, content. 

“what is this?” he all but squeals in happiness, he doesn't know what is happening to him. What Derek is doing to him

“I’m sharing my emotions with you” Derek smiles, gripping his hand tighter. Stiles feels another wave of happiness hits him. 

“an you are ridiculously happy” Stiles grins happily

“no” Derek smiles back, obviously pleased with himself “but I am content and slightly happy. And I'm giving all of it to you, mixing it with your emotions. So if you are already happy, you become _ridiculously_ happy” 

“this is amazing” he says and tugs Derek's hand closer to himself. He never wants this feeling to go away. This is the happiest he has felt in ages, or ever. He didn't know a human could feel like this. He could honestly kiss Derek right now. Thank him for sharing this with him.

“you need to let me go now” Derek says, “or else people will think you are high on something” Derek says and looks around them. Stiles has almost forgotten they were in public, overwhelmed with a feeling of utter happiness.

Stiles softens his death grip on his hand. Derek completely lets go but keeps grinning at Stiles. Watching him as he slumps in his chair, smiling mindlessly. How come Scott never showed this to him.

“I don’t think I've ever been this happy” Stiles grins and covers his face. He feels like he looks like an idiot in front of whole cafè. “I'm sure humans are not supposed to feel things like this. I will die from happiness” he squeals behind his palms. He peeks at Derek from between his fingers. He's not grinning anymore, but his face is still bright.

“you’ll be fine” Derek tells him

“I want to feel like this forever” He says “wait, can you make it so i can feel like this forever?”

“I'm not a magician” Derek lets out a little laugh

Stiles stares at him. Stares at his soft expression. He doesn't see a trace of Derek he once knew. Doesn't see a guy who growled at him and wouldn't hesitate to hurt him any chance he got. Doesn't see the rage and anger that once seemed like was imprinted in his personality. All of the darkness possessing him once, gone. 

“we should get out of here” he says “we should go back to my apartment and sleep this off” he shuts his mouth as soon as he says it. He straightens in his sit and blushes again at Derek’s bemused gaze. “I mean, I go to my house and sleep and you go-, wherever it is you go. And sleep it off, separately. Or i will sleep and you can not sleep if you want.” he wants the floor to open up and swallow him. Why can't he have a filter. Why does he have to embarrass himself like this every time something good happens in his life.

After Derek buys him a sandwich to eat instead of the salad he hasn't touched he drives him home and drops him off. He doesn't walk to the door, just drops him off by his building and drives away.

He can't stop thinking about Derek all day. He goes to bed as soon as he gets home but he can't sleep. There's a feeling in his chest. He feels like the emotion Derek gave to him is planted in his heart and is going to grow into something, something so big Stiles is going to burst with it. So big it will tear him from inside. 

He can't stop thinking about how he felt what Derek feels. He has never imagine feeling like Derek would be anything but sad and angry. He never in his life could think it would feel like he swallowed the sun. He doesn’t know what happened to him in the year he was gone, settling down in DC. Does not know what changed him so much that he is the biggest source of light in Stiles’ life right now.

He can not stop thinking about the laugh he heard from Derek. The can't stop thinking about why he can't stop thinking about it. He groans in his pillow when his head gets too messy with too many thoughts of Derek. 

After two hours of failed attempt to sleep he gives up and calls Scott. 

“what's gotten you all worked up” is the first thing Scott says as he sees his face on screen. His hair all messed up and brows drawn together in a frown.

“I'm having feelings” Stiles hisses in the microphone. Scott laughs, settling down in a ratty arm chair Stiles has grown so familiar to.

“what kind of feelings Stiles?” Scott asks as he types away on his phone, not concentrating hard on Stiles like he should be. What kind of fake friendship is this.

“Derek feelings” Scott’s head shots up at that. He puts his phone away and leans closer to the computer.

“do tell” he says.

“he gave me his feelings today and I've been feeling feelings since then” he says frustrated, flailing his hands around aimlessly trying to express with his hands what he can't with his words. 

“you are not making any sense” Scott laughs leaning back against the chair again

“jesus, Scott” he groans “so I went to this party last night. It was a great party, i had a few drinks then out of nowhere there was a werewolf trying to kill me in the toilet. So obviously I called Derek, and then-”

“what the hell Stiles” Scott says, of course he doesn’t know how to listen to Stiles stories, that's why he always ends up almost dying all the time. “are you hurts

“no, just few scratches” he pulls the sleeve of his hoodie down to hide the bandages from Scott. “it was a full moon, there was an omega, it wasn't my fault. So I called Derek and he saved me, then drove me to the hospital to get a few stitches and then today he came to check on me, we went to eat and he showed me this thing you guys do with sharing emotions”

“sharing emotions?” Scott sounds confused, of course he doesn't know that he can do it. 

“yeah, apparent werewolves can share emotions with others, you should learn, it's amazing” Stiles says “anyway, so imagine this, Derek shared his emotions with me, and guess what?” Scott raises his brows, not even trying to guess. “I have never felt happier. Derek’s feelings made me so happy i couldn't breathe, like, can you imagine he gave me so much happiness I almost choked on it.”

“how can he give you his feelings?” of course that's what Scott wants to know, it's not like Stiles is having a crisis

“that doesn't matter Scotty. What matters is that Derek being happy makes me happy and that makes me confused.”

“isn’t that the idea of sharing his happiness?” Scott asks, confused as ever

“at the moment, yes, but hours after it, no” he explains “being happy that Derek is happy, hours after I got home is not the idea. It is confusing, because I was trying to sleep and I couldn’t, because I was thinking about Derek of all people, Derek laughing specifically. He can laugh, did you know? Like properly laugh?” Stiles sighs and slumps against the couch. Why is this so hard for Scott to understand that this is not normal, that this will never be normal. Him feeling things towards Derek is supposed to freak them both out, yet there’s Scott, calm as ever, not even telling him anything at all, just sitting there silently, texting someone on his phone.

  


-

Finals come sooner than expected. He spends two weeks glued to books, once he even forgot to eat before Krista told him he looked a little sick, he’s been running on coffee and candy bar he had earlier for lunch all day. Krista sends him off to eat something with a worried look. When he’s home he mostly only talks to Scott or his dad, sometimes texts Mason and Malia to check on trickster business, but apparently it’s been inactive for a while. Which is never a good sign. It’s probably plotting something big. 

He texts Derek few times during two weeks he spends like a hermit. Derek asks him about his arm every time they talk. It’s almost healed, just thin red lines on his arm. On second Wednesday he breaks and calls Derek. He’s overworking himself all day, all week. He hasn’t had a popper meal in a while and his body feel alive only when he’s passing tests. He tells Derek that he’s taking a walk and to join him if he’s not busy brooding in the dark or mastering his scowl. 

Derek drives to his house and leaves the car there to walk with Stiles. 

“You really cannot go a day without this jacket, can you?” Stiles remarks as Derek walks up to him, hands in pockets of his signature leather jacket, he looks so stupid, he thinks, stupidly handsome

“Have to keep up the image” he smirks, patting Stiles on the shoulder as a greeting “can’t be going around seeming sweet and all” 

“Asshole” Stiles says but grins anyways, he turns and starts walking towards the park that’s few blocks away

“How the arm” Derek asks, following close, stupid hands still in his stupid jacket

“Fine, healing properly i guess” he shrugs 

“What’s gotten into you this fine afternoon?” he asks, sounds a little worried, and Stiles hates it, loathes it, he’s had enough of this worried tone from his father and Scott and everyone from back home, he doesn’t need Derek worrying over him too, he’s fine!

“Tired, overwhelmed, exams” he tells him anyways

“Nightmares?” Derek asks 

“No” stiles assures him “not since the cinema” he can see Derek nod beside him, doesn’t say another word. Stiles like walking around the DC, it’s much bigger and flashier that Beacon Hills, walking with Derek is better, even if he’s not in a particularly chatty mood today, another presence is nice, the fact that it’s Derek it’s nicer. 

“Might head back to Beacon Hills for Christmas” Derek says when they reach the park, motioning his head toward it with raised eyebrow, asking stiles if he wants to sit, Stiles follows without a word, sitting on a slightly damp bench by the tree.

“Any trouble?” Stiles asks with raised eyebrow of his own 

“No, just bored i guess” 

“What do you do every day anyways?” Stiles turns to him in his seat, honestly curious about what activities such enigma as Derek could be doing all day every day, he surely doesn’t work, does he?

“Eat rats, hunt raccoons, brood in the dark, sleep in a coffin” he smirks but doesn’t look at Stiles, watching two birds fight over a leave intently

“So we’ve got jokes now, haven't we?” he says amused and slightly offended

“Anyways” Derek straightens up, turning to look at Stiles for a bit, then looking at something behind him with such determination Stiles is afraid he might put a hole on whatever poor creature he’s looking at “are you coming”

“Where? We just got here”

“To Beacon Hills” Dreke elaborates “for Christmas break”

“Umm” Stiles opens his mouth but closes it again, Derek suddenly is way too close than he would have liked to, his knee knocking Stiles’s suddenly feels to much “I, well, um, I don’t know, need to save up for the flight, see what I can do” 

“You can come with me, i’ll be driving” he shrugs “it’s three days drive the most” 

“Three days trapped in a car together?” Stiles jokes “sure you won't bite my head off” he’s not sure why he’s objecting so much when he knows he wants to go back home and he also will not have many other chances to road trip with Derek. It’s just, it is so confusing, having those feelings he doesn’t want to have for Derek 

“Can’t make any promises” Derek smiles, genuinely, almost fondly Stiles dares himself to think 

“You make such compelling arguments” Stiles bites back

“Just offering” he shrugs “if you decide you know where to find me”

“I actually don’t” he says, looking away from Derek and his stupid smile

“In a den, forest just outside DC, follow the blood trail” he’s joking again and it almost makes Stiles nervous

“Ha” Stiles laughs humorlessly, still not looking at Derek “might wanna starts stand-up shows if you keep going at this rate” he all but sneers at him

“Okay” Derek stand up and comes to stand in front of him, blocking his view of the very interesting bush he was staring at “what’s really gotten into you” 

“Nothing” he shrugs, he can’t exactly say those weird feelings for Derek are getting in the way of his concentration, which is getting in the way of his exams, which is stressing him out, can he? “When have I been nice to you anyways?” it’s cold, he knows it’s cold, almost regrets it the minute it comes out of his mouth 

“Always actually” Stiles looks up at him, shocked “you are nice, I’m an asshole, that’s the script”

“So we have a script now, like what? A TV show?” he scoffs “nothing’s gotten into me, I’m fine, completely okay” 

“You are being difficult” Derek states, looking at him pointedly “like a child”

“And you are not being an asshole” 

“And that’s a problem?” he looks genuinely concerned

“No, yes” Stiles pauses, he knows he’s being difficult, doesn’t know why he’s being this way “you are just so, _weird_ , I don’t know, i’m just stressed about the exams, i’m sorry, I, let’s forget it, sorry again” he says and slumps on the bench, he can feel his jeans getting a little dump, probably shouldn’t have sat on a bench that clearly was wet. 

“Okay” Derek nods after few seconds of silence and goes to sit beside him again. Stiles lets out a heavy breath, he does not understand why he is so riled up and confused about everything. Worrying about exams, his dad back home, tricksters and knowing malia will jump into them without a second thought and probably herself hurt again, and now, Derek, Derek and his smiles and laughs and willingness to spend time with Stiles’ it’s too much for his messy head. Derek stands up beside him, straightening his jacket, Stiles would make a joke if he weren’t in such a foul mood. He looks at him instead, wondering what absurd thing he’s gonna say next “let’s walk, clear your head” 

“Yeah, probably a good idea” 

They walk in silence, walking farther away from Stiles’s apartment, he looks down most of the way, watching his white sneakers get dirtier every time he purposely steps in dirty puddle, his dad would give him the look if he could see. Derek doesn’t say much, it feels a little more awkward then he’d like to, makes him fidget with his jacket as they circle the block and start walking back. Derek puts a hand on the back of his neck when Stiles’ is least expecting it, but doesn’t jerk away, just keeps walking. He starts to feel better soon, a minute later probably, calmer, less on edge. 

“Are you doing that thing again?” he asks as they are nearing his apartment, he can see Derek’s car in distance, pretentious as ever “the emotions thing” 

“No” he says simply, without any further clarification, leaving Stiles to make conclusions in his own mind, which is never a good thing. Much less now, when all this means that Stiles feels better just because Derek’s touching him, which is even worse. 

His hand drops when they reach Stiles’ apartment, back in his pockets

“Sorry about today” Stiles says again, scratching the back of his neck where Derek was holding him seconds ago 

“It’s fine” he shrugs, “I don't know what’s going on with you, but talk to someone, talk to Scott or your dad” he pauses, looking as calm as ever “talk to me if you want, i don’t live very far”

“Like you would ever tell me where you live” Stiles snorts and hopes Derek is not listening to his quickening heartbeat 

“All you have to do is ask” he half smirks and with last pat on Stiles’s shoulder, turns away and starts walking to his car 

“Asshole” Stiles says to himself and is sure Derek hears him when he raises a middle finger at him, Stiles smiles, who would have thought, Derek offering himself for heart-to-heart. 

-

He decides to take Derek's advice and calls Scott, he's already sleeping but answers anyway, Stiles can tell from his groggy voice when he says hello

"Sleeping?" Stiles asks

"Yeah" he yawns "have to get up though, took a nap, have exam tomorrow" he gets up, properly coming into Stiles's vision on screen "what's up"

"Not much" he shrugs, shooting a text to Krista telling him he'll be late tomorrow because of the exam. "Took a walk, just got back" 

"Stressed?" Scott asks, he always knows, how can he not, they've been friends for so long

"Yeah, a bit" 

"You'll do fine" Scott smiles at him "you are basically a genius" Stiles snorts at that, yeah, genius with ADHD, with inability to concentrate for 5 minutes at a time

"Saw Derek" he tells Scott, he just raises an eyebrow at him, not voicing his question, doesn't need to, Stiles understand anyway and shrugs "didn't feel like walking alone"

"Mhmm" Scott hums, looking at Stiles knowingly, he's so stupid, what does he thinks he knows "had a bit of a row, he told me to talk to someone about what's wrong"

"And what's wrong?" Why is Scott not surprised that Derek is giving Stiles advice? What's wrong with him lately

"Nothing in particular, that's the problem" he signs and fall backwards on bed "everything fine, I was fine just wanted to get out for a while, you know, and then Derek came, being all nice and offering me a ride to Beacon Hills" Scott raises an eyebrow at him but he just ignores it "and I don't know, I got in such terrible mood, I don't know, I'm just stressed over the exams I guess"

"So you were stressed, you called Derek and got more stressed?" 

"Yeah"

"Because he was being nice?" 

"Uncharacteristically nice and calm"

"From what you have told me he's been nice to you since the day you met there" Scott shrugs and well, that is the case now that Stiles thinks about it. "Maybe now that he's not running for his life every living minute he's just like that? You can't be mad at him for being nice"

"I'm not mad, I just, I don't know what I am" 

"Remember Molly Sanders? I used to snap at her all the time, even when she was kind to me she would offer to help with my homework and would tell her to piss off" 

“Yeah” stiles laughs a little “you had a huge crush on her,” he says, she looked a bit like Allison now that he thinks about it, Scott has a type apparently.

“Exactly” Scott says quietly “Stiles, you know I love you and I'm always here if you need me, but i think there are some things you need to figure out yourself” 

“Scott-”

“I know Stiles” Scott interrupts him before he can object "just think about it, okay" Stiles sighs, closing his eyes for a second before he nods, why does everyone make so much sense today.

-

  
  


The week flew by and dragged for centuries at the same time, when he looks back his first exam was like a month ago, but he feels like he last saw Derek just yesterday. They did talk, Derek checks up on him, he checks up on Derek, turns out Derek likes hiking, another absurd thing about him, what kind of normal person likes hiking? Exactly, there is no such, and Derek is not one. Scott doesn't mention it, probably waiting for Stiles to bring it up, if he decides to being it up at all, Scott, not always the brightest but always most loyal. 

Malia and his dad tell him there still has been no new shenanigans regarding trickster, they thinks he might have left them alone, moved to another place to wreak havoc in, but Stiles knows better, he’s getting worried, he might be planning something that could endanger people he loves back in Beacon hills.

After exams are over he doesn’t know what to do with himself anymore. He still works his shifts at the shop but suddenly he has so much free time he doesn’t know what to do with it. He texts his friends, talks to Scott way more than Scott probably has time for. Dean invites him to another party but he declines, memories from another one still fresh in his mind and on his arm. So he texts Derek instead, sure he has nothing better to do on Saturday afternoon. 

_“to Derek Hale_

_17:17_

_How’s brooding in the dark going”_

_“From Derek Hale_

_17:18_

_Uneventful, only caught one rat”_

Stiles snorts, his fingers hovering over the keyboard for a few seconds before he decides he’s a big boy and he can ask derek hale for his address without nervous lump forming in his throat, they are friends now, after all, acquaintances at least. 

_“to Derek Hale_

_17:20_

_You said all i had to do was ask, so I'm asking”_

As soon as he send it he realizes Derek probably doesn’t even remember what he’s talking about. And why did he in first place think it was a good idea to suggest to derek hale that he would go over to his place. Stiles has been to the lost more times than he can count and has spent the better half of summer during senior year in the burnt down shell of a Hale house, but he always had a reason to be there, they were saving lives for god’s sake.

_“From Derek Hale_

_17:21_

_1800 North Lynn Street , Arlington, last floor”_

Stiles doesn’t text anything back after that, just sits staring at the ceiling for 15 minutes before he decides he doesn't have anything better to do for the rest of the afternoon, so why not.

Next thing he knows he’s in an elevator in Derek’s building, he realizes he didn’t actually ask he was at home at all or hiking somewhere or whatever it is he does in his free time, which basically is always.

Elevator comes to stop with a ding, letting stiles know if he wants to turn around and go back this is the time, but when has stiles been a quitter? There is only one door on the last floor, of course, Derek, posh as ever

He doesn’t even get to ring the bell when Derek opens the door.

“Expecting someone” Stiles grins mockingly, he knows Derek probably smelled him before he even came into the building

“Just this one annoying teenage guy, never seems to leave me alone” he says and lets Stiles inside. It’s a loft, of course, but it’s not like the last one, there still is not much furniture in there, but it has more character, it’s more Derek, he has few leather jackets hang in the hallway, Stiles snorts, so there's more than one of them. Derek leads him to the center of the loft and the couch there looks actually new, it seems soft and has no blood stains on it, so it’s progress. There are painting on walls, who would have thought, Derek Hale appreciates fine arts. 

“You are annoying teenage guy” Stiles’ mocks and flops down on the couch, propping his legs on a nice coffee table Derek has in front of it. Derek just glares at him but doesn't tell him off, he sits one opposite side of the sofa instead, looking at Stiles with a tiniest hint of Smile on his face

"How the arm?" He asks, really good with small talk, that's Derek

"All healed" he holds his arm up, sliding the sweater up his sleeve to show the red scars on his lower arm "how's Cora?"

"Good, in Iowa, says she's gonna spend Christmas there"

"What the hell is she gonna do for Christmas in Iowa?" He sighs a little, Hale siblings, Stiles doesn't understand them

"No idea" Derek shrugs "it's Cora, I don't question" he is wearing a sweater an actual sweater, its black but it's still a sweater, his beard is longer than the last time Stiles saw him two weeks ago, his hair too, spiking up at the ends just a bit. He looks soft, a word Stiles never thought he would use when thinking of Derek Hale, but that's the truth, he looks soft and Stiles wants to touch.

"Boyfriend?" He grins devilishly at Derek

"Still there" he answers flatly, glancing at Stiles "want a drink?"

"What do you have?" 

"What do you want?" Derek asks

"Well that is a rabbit hole you don't want go down" Stiles smirks, making Derek rolls his eyes "dunno, got whiskey?"

"No" he answers, Stiles looks surprised to hear it, this house looks like it must have at least two bottles of expensive whiskey in it, so he tells Derek so "can't get drunk, so what's the point" of course, Stiles completely forgot about that

"You've been sober your entire life" Stiles shakes his head, staring at Derek "that must suck"

"I'm sure it would have been easier to deal with you if I weren't at time" he says and stand up, going to what Stiles assumes is kitchen

"Heeey" Stiles protests, watching Derek disappears behind the only wall in the entire loft, "I'm a delight to have around." He can hear faint sound glass clinking from where Derek is, he’s probably making them tea, Stiles wouldn’t put it past him anymore. 

He looks around the place when he’s left alone, there is an actual dining table with six chairs around them, and a bed that has an actual headboard and clean sheets from what Stiles can see, behind him is a huge wall of windows, overlooking the city, he can even see his university from there. Derek comes back with a tall glass of beer and sets it down on the coffee table

“Thought you didn’t have any alcohol” Stiles sits back down and sips the foam on top of the glass

“Isaac left it behind” Derek shrugs 

“Isaac was here?” Stiles almost chokes on his drink, Derek hasn’t mentioned him being in the city, much less dropping by

‘Yeah“ Derek says “he was passing by, a few days ago, decided to spend the night”

“You didn’t mention him” Stiles says, a little hurt that Derek would not tell him that “I would have loved to see him”

“Not the best idea” Derek gives him an almost sympathetic look “I don't think he was just passing by, he misses Allison, think he needed to get away for a bit” Stiles gets it, Isaac probably still blames everyone, including himself for Allison’s death

“Does he still, like get comfort from you, even if you are not an alpha anymore?” 

“Yes, i turned him, there’s a bond, no matter what i am, alpha, beta or an omega, he will still be drawn to me” Derek explains

“So he’s like your duckling?” Derek rolls his eyes and Stiles grins “he imprinted on you”

“He’s lonely and you are an idiot” 

“Lonelier than you?” oh, how much does Stiles wants to take it back the moment he says it, Derek is right, he is an idiot. Derek’s gonna brood now, close off.

“How can i, with you in my face all the time” he jokes instead

“Honestly though” Stiles asks “what do you do all day? You obviously don’t work, don’t study, so what is it you do?"

“Knit by the fire” Derek says and Stiles laughs despite himself Derek’s such an asshole.

“We should go out!” Stiles concludes “I just finished my exams and we should celebrate” he says, Derek raises and eyebrow at him, has he ever even been to a club Stiles’ wonders 

“Go out?” Derek questions

“yes, to a bar, or a club, get drunk, have fun” He stands up and throws his hands in the air to make his point cleared “well i’ll get drunk, you, well you will have fun sober and make sure I don't get maimed by another DC werewolf”

“So, I'm just your bodyguard then”

"No, you are my wing man, not that I'm gonna need any help with chatting up ladies" Stiles sit down, way closer to derek than he intended, could count his eyelashes if he tried to probably "cause there are gonna be no such" he concludes with a smile

“you are in an awfully good mood” Stiles turns to him, Derek is looking at him amused

"I'm always in a good mood" he shrugs, there are many things that put him in a particular mood today, Derek in soft sweater might be one of them

"Sure about that?" Derek asks him with tiny smirk playing on his face

"Okay, we can stay in if you are going to be an ass about it" Stiles huffs without any heat behind him "have fun your way, if it's possible, what do you do for fun? Go to little sushi restaurants and watch movies alone?" 

Derek glances at the art on the walls, then back at Stiles and gives him a pointed look, Stiles tapes a little at that

"No way, you paint for fun?" He jumps up, ready to get close to one of the paintings and examine it up close, but Derek laughs, throws his head back and lets out the sound Stiles's been wanting to hear, but didn't expect nevertheless "you are such a shit" he tells him and flops back down, knocking his knee against Derek's 

"Where do you wanna go?" Derek asks him, smile still evident in his voice. Stiles grins back and fishes his phone out of his pocket

"That's the easy part"

-

Stiles doesn’t drink much, doesn’t drink often, so two shots of tequila he made Derek buy for him and beer he had at Derek’s has him pleasantly buzzed, and relaxed enough to mingle with the crowd in the club he has dragged Derek to. He didn’t even protest, just got his car and drove Stiles where he wanted to go.

Stiles is dancing with the crowd, music flows through him like warm water after a cold day, he stays closer to the edge of the dance floor, close to the bar, where Derek is standing, not doing anything in particular, just watching Stiles. He’s still wearing that stupid sweater, he looks so stupid, sweater in club, who does that, and he’s not even drinking anything, just standing there, doing nothing. He’s so stupid.

There’s a girl in front of Stiles, he took notice of her few minutes ago when she waltzed in front of him with a drink in hand and started rubbing up his side lightly. She looks beautiful, her hair is braided in with colorful streaks in it, she’s wearing so much glitter on her face and body, Stiles is sure he’ll be finding it on his clothes even weeks later, she smiles up at him, offering her drink, Stiles shakes his head, mixing alcohol has never ended well for him. He dances with her anyway, flailing his hand around her and twirling her the best he can, she put her hand on his shoulder and grinds closer to him than before. Stiles looks at Derek, he’s on his phone, texting Cora probably. He looks up and catches Stiles’ eyes, Stiles doesn’t know but he drops her hand from the girls waist guiltily, he doesn’t know why.

He smiles down at her and slips under her grasp, turns to walk towards Derek, he’s still watching Stiles intently, scrunching his nose, probably smelling something weird he’s gonna tell Stiles about. 

“I see you are having fun” Stiles shout and climb onto the bar stool, nearly falling over, Derek steadies him with a hand on his chest, slaps it there with more force than probably necessary, asshole.

“Watching you make a fool of yourself is fun” Derek leans closer to say it in his ear. Stiles shivers a little, he knows Derek isn’t doing this on purpose, but it makes him tremble a little inside. He can’t deal with this sober 

“I want another shot” He shouts at Derek

“Stop screaming, I can hear you” Derek says and turns to bartender, ordering another shot of tequila for Stiles

“Thanks” Stiles says and raises his shot glass before drowning it, it is disgusting, he loves being drunk, but, god how much does he hate alcohol. “Another one” he slams the glass on the bar stool and grins widely at Derek

“You are drunk” he arches an eyebrow at him, Derek and his stupid eyebrows, Stiles huffs

“I am completely sober” 

“You are drunk” Derek repeats

“I am, slightly tipsy” Stiles lies through his teeth, he is very much drunk

“No more shots”

“You are not the boss of me” Stiles jabs a finger in Derek’s chest but he’s smiling 

“Yeah, yeah” Derek says, but puts his ID and card back in his wallet anyway

“Come, dance, have fun, do you know how to dance?” Stiles climbs down from his stool and grabs Derek’s arm, feeling strangely brave, dragging him to the dance floor and to his surprise Derek doesn’t object, rolls his eyes, huffs a little but follows him anyway, Stiles takes them further into the dance floor, in the middle where the crowd is the thickest and music sound the loudest. 

They don’t exactly dance, Stiles dances, jumps and throws his hands in the air, trying to move with the rhythm the best he can. Derek just stand there, watching him, Stiles catches his eyes a couple of times, he’s staring, watching as stiles flails on the dance floor.

Stiles really doesn’t know what came over him in that moment, he wouldn’t be able to tell you next day why he thought it was the best idea he’s ever had, but he wraps one hand around Derek’s shoulder and rests another on his hip, trying to get him moving with the music. He looks up at Derek, drunkenly courageous but still hesitant, Derek is already looking at him, something different in his eyes as he holds his gaze for a couple minutes, before he reaches out wraps both of his huge hands around Stiles’ waist and starts grinding against him to the rhythm of the music. Stiles would be making comment about Derek knowing how to dance if he weren’t flushed from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. 

He takes a deep breath, throws his head back and wraps both of his hands around Derek’s shoulders, pulling himself even closer to him. They are flushed together, barely moving to the music, Derek has his hands so tight around Stiles, he thinks he might stop breathing soon. 

Derek is so close, right there, if he were to move his head just a few inches, he would be kissing him, he’s literally right there, Stiles just has to reach out, but even to his drunk mind it is not a good idea. He throws his head down and buries his head in Derek’s neck. He’s so soft, Stiles whines in his neck and Derek’s hands tighten around him. He does not think there is a single inch of space left between them.

He doesn’t know how long they dance there, all he knows is his hand is on the back of Derek’s neck, his forehead pressed to Derek’s cheek and nothing feels normal, but nothing has felt this good ever in his life. Derek starts moving out of the dance floor and drags stiles behind him by his wrist. He stops by the wardrobe, letting go of Stiles to get their jackets. Reality feels altered for Stiles as he watches Derek hold out his jacket for Stiles to slide into and pushes him out afterwards with a hand on the small of his back. Everything feels too much and too good, he is too drunk and never wants this day to end. Unfortunately the moment does end as soon as fresh air hits Stiles’ lung and he empties his stomach on the sidewalk. 

“There we go” Derek murmurs behind him and Stiles is not sure if its meant to be annoying or soothing. He’s holding Stiles’ chest so he doesn’t double over, straightening him up when he’s done painting the pavement. 

“Still not drunk” Stiles’ grins and runs his hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face

“You are not getting in my car like this” Derek says dryly and unlocks his car, for a second Stiles thinks he might leave him here to get home on his own but, Derek comes back with a box of tissues, hands him couple to cleans his hands and then pushes Stiles towards the car, pinning him against passengers side door and gets so, so close Stiles breath catches in his throat, he swears by god Derek is going to kiss him, right then and there, with Stiles’ insides just few steps away, but Derek just starts wiping vomit out of his hair, ooh, Stiles really shouldn’t have touched his hair. Derek is concentrated on the top of his head and Stiles sure hopes he doesn’t notices as he stares at his lips. God he’s so drunk and Derek feels so warm. Derek looks down when he’s done cleaning Stiles up, Stiles looks up from his lips to his eyes and moment he catches Derek's eyes doubles over again, vomiting one more time by Derek’s feet.

Derek doesn’t take him home, not that Stiles will object, he takes him back to the loft. Says Stiles might choke on his own vomit and slaps the back of his head when Stiles accuses him of just wanting to get hot and bothered with him. He sings the entire way back to the loft. He’s not even sure what he’s singing, but it’s annoying Derek so he keeps singing all the way to the loft, he even makes up words to elevator music. 

When they get inside, Derek takes their jackets and disappears in the bathroom. Stiles takes liberty so sprawl out on the couch, not even taking his shoes off, he’s so drunk he doesn’t care if Derek will bite his head of for this. He closes his eyes and everything behind his lids spin, it feels so good to finally be laying down. 

Derek nudges him a few minutes later, even though it felt like a few hours to Stiles, when he opens his eyes Derek is standing above him, looking at Stiles disapprovingly so he makes a face at him.

“Go take the bed” Derek says “I’ll crash on the couch” 

“Nah, I'll sleep here, you take the bed” Stiles says and tries to get up without making himself vomit again.

“You are pissed” Derek says, helping him stand upright “you’ll fall over and break your nose, i’m not letting you blame that on me” Stiles sticks his tongue out at Derek, or else he thinks he does, he’s not sure

“Or” Stiles yawns and starts walking towards the bed,it looks so inviting now that he can see it “we could just both take the bed” he says and takes his jacket off dropping it on the floor. Derek doesn’t say anything, but Stiles can hear he’s following back, picking Stiles’s clothes as he takes them off on the way until his down to his shirt and boxer. He crawls into bed and looks back as Derek is dumping his things on the armchair by the bed “C’mon, we’ve done this before” Stiles burrows under the blankets, not taking his eyes off Derek “you, me and Isaac, i’ve woken up with Isaac’s hair in my mouth more times than I can count”

Summer before Alpha Pack, Stiles would spend almost every day at the loft with Derek and Isaac. Derek would rarely sit with them, doing his own research with his nose in books, but sometimes all three of them would sit on the couch trying to figure out ways how alphas could have their own pack and how a couple of teenagers and freshly baked alpha could defeat them. 

More than once the afternoon would turn into night, night into midnight and they would doze off. Isaac always was the first, leaned back on the couch with his mouth open, Derek would fall asleep with his nose still in a book and Stiles would follow in whatever terrible position he was sitting in. But the thing is, there was always Isaac between them, he would always wake up to Isaac sprawled on top of him, his head on Stiles and feet on Derek’s lap, Derek’s feet on the table and he himself laying half on the couch half on the floor, but there is nothing in between now, it’s just them, on the same bed, it's not accidental, they are not going to doze off, it’s an invitation and if Derek takes is, Stiles really, really wouldn't mind.

“Yeah” Derek smiled a little, clearly remembering the same thing. He shakes his head and moves to the bathroom again. 

Stiles is almost out when he feels Derek get into bed, he can feel the bed dip, but Derek doesn’t get in yet, he’s hesitating Stiles know, its few seconds later when chilly air tickles him when Derek lifts the blanket to get in. He falls asleep before he can think of a snarky comment to make. 

-

Stiles wakes up with the worst case of headache and mouth so dry he thinks he could drink an ocean. He can barely open his eyes, so he gives up at all and lays there clutching a blanket, begging his headache to go away. When he does open his eyes he can see the glass of water by the bedside table, he raises way to quickly to reach for it and his headache get hundred times worse. 

When he lays back down after gulping down the entire glass, feels a little better, at least the thirst is gone. He looks beside him and sees Derek laying on his back, blanket barely covering half of him, that’s when Stiles realizes he’s stolen it almost entirely. Derek has one hand thrown over his eyes and one on his stomach, his mouth is slightly agape, he looks relaxed, but Stiles still can’t say he looks peaceful, there’s still something tense about him even when he sleeps. Stiles thinks of last night and flushes red when the memories of him and Derek comes back to him, Derek was so soft, and strong, Stiles likes soft and strong, soft girls and strong boys, and Derek, well, he’s a whole package.

Stiles watches him for a little more, before he decides to roll over, it’s not a good idea, it’s never a good idea, let the sleeping dog, well, wolf lie, they say, but Stiles’ wants to touch and when has he had good ideas anyway. He rolls right into Derek’s arms, put his head on Derek’s chest and hand on his stomach, wraps his legs around Derek’s and tries to go back to sleep, he’ll blame it on the alcohol later. He doesn’t succeed with falling asleep, his heart is beating too fast and his head hurts too much. He lays there for 15 minutes probably before Derek takes his hand off his eyes and wraps it around Stiles’ shoulder, Stiles melts into touch, burrowing his face into Derek’s chest, smiling despite himself

“I know you are awake” Derek says suddenly and Stiles flushes red again, from embarrassment this time, his heart speeds up and he knows Derek can hear it. He doesn’t open his eyes, doesn’t say anything if he ignores it maybe Derek will think he’s mistaken and Stiles is actually sound asleep. He’s such a fool. “Okay, then” Derek says a little later and shifts a little, but doesn’t take his hand off Stiles’ shoulder, neither does he push him away. Stiles’ mind is going 100m/h right now. He’s so embarrassed he can feel it in his throat, but Derek didn’t push him off, so maybe, just maybe he wants it too, at least a little bit. 

Stiles must have drifted off, because next time he opens his eyes, Derek is not there anymore, he has blanket covering him and refilled glass of water on the bedside table. He sits up, his head feels a little better, but the headache is still there. He looks around, can’t see Derek, but can hear noises coming from the kitchen, he lays back down and thinks how he’s gonna face Derek now. He looks for his phone, finds it in the back pocket of his trousers, Derek can probably hear him moving around from the kitchen, fuck werewolves and their super hearing Stiles thinks. He lays back in bed and texts Scott, hoping he’s awake.

_“To Scott_

_10:45_

_Slept at dereks, drunk, had a cuddle, what do i do”_

Probably not the best message he could have composed, Scott will definitely want to call and make Stiles explain everything and Derek of course will hear it, so he shoots Scott another text.

_“To scott_

_10:45_

_Don’t call, still there”_

_“From Scott_

_10:46_

_Elaborate????”_

_“To Scott_

_10:46_

_Don’t have time, he’s in the kitchen, what do i dooo?”_

_“From Scott_

_10:47_

_Get up and say good morning, the fuck do i know, then go home and call me!!!”_

Scott is no help, as usual, Stiles sighs and drops his phone on the bed, he runs his hand down his face and decides to get up. He was drunk, it’s Derek, nothing to overthink is there, he will say he was drunk in the morning too and it all will be okay.

He drags himself in the kitchen and is greeted with Derek sitting on a barstool, he’s back to Stiles, sipping coffee and texting away on his phone. Stiles takes a deep breath, he doesn’t move, watches Derek’s back, maybe he’ll just go really quietly and Derek will pretend he doesn’t hear anything when Stiles slips out.

“Ordered you breakfast” Derek says, not turning around

“Oh thanks god” Stiles mutters and moves to sit opposite Derek by the bar, there's a full greasy box of take out in front of him, he almost faints when he gets the first whiff of bacon. He doesn’t look up as he devours his food but he can see Derek watching him from the corner of his eyes. 

“How are you feeling?” Derek asks, and Stiles has no choice but to look at him now, blood rushes through his cheeks as soon as he does. Here Derek is, looking not embarrassed at all, if you ask Derek he should be the one blushing, he was the one sober, Stiles can at least blame alcohol for the grinding and cuddling and all the shit that went down, but Derek, he was completely sober, Stiles wants to yell at him

“Good, fine, head hurts a bit” he says instead “you wouldn’t happen to have any painkillers would you?” Derek shakes his head

“Don’t need them” 

“‘Course” he nods and keeps pushing leftovers of his food around the table “i’ll, um, thanks for letting me crash, I'll be out of your hair, or fur, in no time” 

“I’ll give you a lift” Derek tells him and stand up to put his empty cup in the sink “where’s the jeep anyway?” he asks

“Broke down” Stiles says “back in Beacon Hills, couldn’t fix it, still have it, but as a souvenir, I don’t live far from the university, so it’s not much of a hassle to be honest” 

Derek hums and moves past him, going to sit on the couch, Stiles can see him reading the book when he decides to join him, he knows he should go but can’t bring himself to yet. He watches Derek for a bit, he knows something has shifted last night, for Derek, something has shifted for him the day the saw Derek buying his stupid Oreos in that supermarket. 

Derek doesn’t let people get close often, he knows, it’s written around his whole persona, Derek is not soft, he’s not easy, Stiles knows he’s rough around the edges, he knows Derek has more baggage than all of them combined together, knows he can be an asshole, push them away, try to deal with everything on his own, knows he can be stupidly brave and dumb at the same time. He knows all of this but wants him nevertheless. 

“Derek” he says finally, Derek hums, not looking at him “last night-”

“It’s okay, Stiles” he interrupts him. Still looking at his book

“And today, this morning-”

“I know” 

“You don’t” Stiles swallows hard 

“I do” Derek says, finally looking up at Stiles “you are lonely, there is no Scott around, no Malia, no sheriff, i understand, you feel lonely, and i’m around”

“That’s not-” he takes a deep breath, he would slap Derek right now “that’s not it, it’s not a convenience thing, it’s not because, just” he sighs “i was awake, this morning, I was awake, I didn't do it in my sleep or because I was drunk, I was awake, I did it because I wanted to, and I want to” 

“You don’t, Stiles” he puts his book down and turns to face him “you are lonely, and I understand, I have been lonely and nothing good has ever come out of it, you know it” he smiles at Stiles softly.

“I am lonely, hell, i am alone here, but what does this have to do with this? I could have you as a friend, I know you will be my friend, but I want you, i want something other than friends, and you can’t tell me you don’t i was drunk last night, maybe, but you were sober, you were sober this morning, you are always sober” he tells him, he’s so angry, why does everyone always assume they know what's best for him

“Stiles” Derek starts

“No” he interrupts him “you are very stupid, you know that? How can someone so smart be so stupid” he huff walking towards his clothes “you don’t get to tell me what i want” he shouts back at Derek, who follows him.

“Stiles, stop” he says, but Stiles doesn’t listen, keeps digging though his things, trying to get dressed and get out as fast as possible “Stiles” he says again, grabs Stiles’ hand “I’m not trying to get rid of you, okay? I need you to understand this, i’m just saying you are lonely and need someone, and I don't want you to make choices because i’m the only one around” Derek talks to him so softly, Stiles wants to be mad, but he makes it so difficult. Stiles looks at him and doesn’t say anything, continues getting dressed. Derek watches him, watches him get dressed and watches him walk out without saying another word and Stiles doesn’t want him to. Except he really does.

-

“I kind of get him” Scott says when Stiles tells him about everything

“Why are you not shocked?” Stiles asks “it’s Derek, I just told you i want Derek Hale and you just accept it?”

“It’s not as new as you think Stiles” Scott shrugs “I kind of knew for a while now, just waiting for you to figure it out” 

“What are you talking about?” Stiles huffs, this is new, very new, Scott is just spewing bullshit instead of helping him “i loved Lydia, you know that, this is very much a new thing” 

“I know you loved Lydia, but it didn’t work, I also know why it didn’t work” 

“You think me and Lydia didn’t work because I was in love with Derek” this is such bullshit

“No” Scott says “but also yes, i think once Derek appeared in our lives you weren’t 100% into Lydia anymore, so if you are not all in, then it doesn’t work” 

“Why are you being wise Scott, what’s wrong with you, did Ashley do something to you, i was not in love with Derek, i’m not in love with Derek” he complains, maybe Malia can help, or even Lydia, maybe he should call her up since Scott seems to be no help at all.

“Yeah, I know, just there’s something, there has been something for a while and maybe, I don't know, does he even likes boys?” here he is again, asking wise questions 

“I don’t know” Stiles runs a hand down his face, he can’t talk to Scott anymore, not really in the mood to listen to reason right now “I have to go, gotta get to work, I'll talk to you later” he lies and hangs up before Scott can protest. 

He decides to sleep it off. He will take a nap and this all will go away when he wakes up, he’s probably still a little drunk, that why he didn’t just leave Derek’s flat and made all unnecessary declarations.

It’s already dark when he wakes up. His head does not hurt anymore, his hangover is almost gone too, but he still feels like shit. He checks his phone, there’s text from Lydia, two from Scott and his dad, none from Derek. He texts his dad back and throws the phone down on the bed. Everyone else can fuck off for a bit, even Lydia. 

He heats up leftover pizza and watches it while watching a movie he really is not watching at all. He tries not to think about Derek but that’s all he can think about. Maybe Scott is right, he and Derek have been drawn together since they met, voluntarily or by accident, they ended up together in life or death situations in the end. Stiles has known he didn’t hate Derek that summer, when he first saw him barefoot, wearing a soft shirt and making eggs for him and Isaac after they had spend another night on his couch, trying to save everyone again. 

He has known Derek doesn’t hate him when he saved him from Kanima in school pool. Derek was, Derek has been constant in his life since the day they met, even if he went and came, he was always there when they needed him the most, when Stiles needed him the most, even if he didn’t realize it then, he now sees that Derek always came when he was needed the most.

He’s a hothead, that’s for sure, impulsive, very stubborn too, Stiles know all this, he has caused more problems than he has solved probably, but Stiles can’t help but want him even more. He knows Derek never meant bad, it’s just, he was lonely, it dawns to Stiles then, he made his little pack because he was lonely, he was with Jennifer because he was lonely, and oh, that’s something Stiles didn’t think about. _I have been lonely and nothing good has ever come out of it D_ erek said, and Stiles didn’t get it then, but he does now. He shoves his head in his pillow and wills himself to sleep.

  


-

Being back home is, well, like coming home. 

The moment he steps inside his father’s arms in airport he knows going back will be a bitch. Malia is there with his dad and Scott is waiting for him at home, sitting by the porch like a good dog waiting for his owner to come home. He spends first to days sleeping and catching up with everyone. He expects Lydia to be back too, but she is not and Stiles doesn’t blame her.

He lasts exactly 3 days before he seeks Derek out. They haven't talked, but he knows he’s back, Scott told him he was over to see him. Scott just somehow always knows something is up. So he lasts three days and on Christmas, when everyone is gathered in his house, getting buzzed on eggnog and trying to get their long forgotten oven operating, he leaves. 

He doesn’t mean to, he means to clear his head outside, sit and mope on the porch for a few minutes before Scott comes seeking him out. But the moment he steps out of the house his legs keep moving and moving to the direction of Derek’s loft. It’s a bitch to hail a taxi on Christmas eve, so he walks halfway on foot before he finally settles in the warmth of the car. 

The loft is still there, not like Stiles didn’t expect it to be so is that hideous huge door Stiles’ always had trouble opening. “You should really start locking this thing you know” he says as he pushes it open, Derek is coming down from the spiral staircase, probably smelled him, _can’t surprise a werewolf_ Stiles thinks. Derek looks at him and his lips quirk a little not quite a smile, but something and Stiles’s breath catches in his throat, deep breathes he thinks, in and out, it’s only been a few days, you couldn’t have missed his so much, he tries to lie to himself.

“What are you doing here?” he asks Stiles as he finally comes down

“It’s Christmas Eve” Stiles responds, like it should explain why he walked almost 2 miles in freezing cold. 

“Exactly” 

“There’s still hole in a wall” Stiles remarks instead of continuing with the subject. 

“And there’s still a teenager where he shouldn’t be” 

“I wonder what are you gonna do when i’m 20 next year and you can’t use that as an insult anymore” Stiles says and flops down on the couch, it still has blood stains on it, Scott’s or Derek’s maybe even Isaac’s or his own, he can’t be sure.

“What are you doing here?” Derek repeats, he crosses his arms and looks at him with an arched eyebrow. Stiles used to be intimidated by this pose, used to shiver when Derek looked at him like this, now he wonders if it were shivers of fear after all.

“I’m not sure” Stiles says dryly, “it’s barely 3 hours left of Christmas, my favorite holiday, I'll have you know. there’s a crowd of people in my home, everyone i missed everyday when I was away, my dad, my best friend, his mom who I love as my own, my ex girlfriend, my friends, they are making dinner in a very well decorated house, it smelled so nice you wouldn’t need werewolf senses to drag you in. But here I am, sitting on a blood stained couch, in a loft with extreme lack of furniture or decorations and hole in the wall, all because all I could think about is that you are spending Christmas alone” he concludes and hugs a dusty pillow to give himself some sense of security. Derek is silent for a second, Stiles has gotten used to it, Derek needing to take in Stiles's babbling, needing to sort himself out before he can speak.

“You don’t want to spend Christmas here” Derek finally speaks up “I don't have decorations” he pointedly says, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch. 

Stiles takes a deep breath and wills himself to stay calm. When he was young and fresh into the world of werewolves and Derek Hale he though Derek could get him so worked up because Stiles hated him so much, but he can look back and say that Derek could always get a raise out of him always, when he hated him, when he tolerated him, when he liked him and even now, when he knows he’s just one smile away from loving him. “you know what, there you go assuming what I want again” he says firmly, “what I want is for you to come back with me, back where people missed me, _missed you_ , but if you don't, you can be sure that I will stay here and spend tonight looking at this stupid hole in the wall and talk your ears off, because, you, Derek, are not spending Christmas alone” 

“I don’t think that is the best idea” Stiles hates it that Derek is so careful with him now, not snarking back, making no threats or jokes and choosing his words carefully before he says them. If anything he should be more open now, now that he knows that Stiles wants and will have him, no matter what. He drops his head against the back of the couch and takes a deep breath.

“You can let yourself have nice things, you know” Stiles lolls his head to the side and looks at Derek “not just in DC, not just clean couch and candy you indulge yourself to sometimes, here too. I know this place-” he breathes in as Derek shifts in his seat, casting his eyes down, away from Stiles likes stiles caught him in a lie, like he uncovered a secret Derek thought he was keeping and Stiles hates it. “it, I know it holds so much trauma for you I couldn't even start to imagine, but it was home once, and it can be something resembling it again” he puts his hand on top of Derek’s lower arm an squeezes a little. Derek looks around the loft and then at Stiles, piercing his eyes with such will Stiles can feel what’s Derek thinking without having to hear it out loud. 

“It wasn’t your fault” he says, because he doesn’t know if anyone has ever told him that, in seven or eight agonizing years of his life after the fire, has anyone ever looked him in the eyes that it was not his fault, he doesn’t know if Laura ever told him that, he doesn’t even know if Laura knew that it was not his fault, so he tells him, “It was not your fault Derek, the fire, Kate, Jeniffer, Erica and Boyd, none of that was your fault.” he hears Derek take a shaky breath as Stiles says it, he’s sure his eyes would be watering if he weren’t Derek, he’s sure Derek would force tears with just sheer power of will before submitting and crying

“I-” he pauses and blinks slowly, softening his gaze at Stiles “I caused all of that, Stiles, i may not have burnt the house down, but I caused it, i was foolish with Jeniffer, and Boyd and Erica-”

“She was twice your age” Stiles grips his forearm stronger now, hoping it will somehow make Derek understand “you were _sixteen,_ sixteen Derek, you were freshly heartbroken and you were an easy target, I know Derek, i am sure if your family were alive none of them would blame you. Cora doesn’t blame you.” Derek stays quiet, looking away from Stiles’ and Stiles has never seen him this still, there is tension around his whole body, but there is no urgency that follows him usually, the need to flee as soon as possible. 

“And betas” Stiles keeps talking, because that's the only thing he can do now, he can’t flee now, can’t make Derek speak to him, so he does what he does best “Derek, i cannot imagine what it must have been like, recovering from that, from blaming yourself for the death of your family, going from dozen to just two, and then having her ripped away from you too, i will never even start to imagine what it would have been like, but I know it would have been traumatic enough to want a new family, new-” 

“They didn’t want it” Derek interrupts him, his voice worn out, tired and Stiles smiles at him sadly “they, Boyd, Erica, Isaac they ask for it, Jackson asked, but I shouldn’t have-”

“They wanted it Derek” it’s Stiles’s turn to interrupt him “you gave them a choice, you didn’t force them, you saw a kid from a broken home and gave him a chance, you saw a miserable girl and a bullied kid and you gave them a chance at a better life, you didn’t foresee everything, you were a little careless but you wanted what was best”

“I manipulated them, they were vulnerable, they were looking for a way out and I knew it”

“And you gave it to them” Stiles shifts even closer to Derek “they needed a way out and you gave it to them, Isaac would never have gotten out of that house if it weren’t for you, think about that, he still would be living and going through hell every day. Not everything turned out how you expected, but come on, when has ever been a case in our lives” 

“You can move on from all of that, I know you will not stop blaming yourself just because i told you so, but Derek, it was not your fault. You shouldn’t punish yourself by coming back here and coming back here shouldn’t be a punishment. You can have a life, you can have nice things in Dc and back here, friends who love you and family” he pauses for a second, before he speaks up again, his own voice shaking just like Derek’s “you can have me. There are people who love you, people who care, just come back with me to my house, okay?” Derek stays silent once again, but he looks down at Stiles' hand and turns his own over, pressing his palm to the inside of Stiles’s arm and wraps his fingers around him. Stiles is already watching him intently when he looks up, Derek gives him a small smile and nods and Stiles knows his heart just burst inside his chest and poisoned his entire body with the love he’s been keeping locked there. 

-

Scott is sitting on the porch again when he steps out of Derek’s car, he’s got soft but unreadable expression on his face. He doesn’t seem to be at least a bit surprised by the sight of Derek.

“Sheriff’s looking for you” Scott says as they move towards the stairs, close enough that their shoulders brush when they walk, he stands up, brushing the back of his trousers.

“We were out of bread?” Stiles says sheepishly 

“You didn’t bring any bread” Scott scowls at him, bright as ever “Don’t worry, I covered for you”

“What did you tell him?” Stiles asks, completely ignoring Derek uncomfortable shifting beside them

“I told him you were going to get Derek” Stiles gapes at him, Scott shouldn’t have, couldn’t have known where he was going, unless he followed him, which he would never do

“This is not covering works Scott, if you tell him where I was, you didn’t actually cover for me” 

“Well, he said someone had to get him, so I think I did an A+ job” Scott grins and slaps one hand one Stiles’ shoulder and another on Derek’s “let’s go, dinners ready” he says and tries to shove them both inside the best he can.

Stiles watches Derek mingle with the crowd, it’s not exactly a crowd, Scott and his mom, Malia, Parish, Liam and Maison, his dad and himself, but it’s enough, it’s as much of a family as any other. Derek doesn’t greet everyone separately, just says one hello and assumes himself the part of the crowd. He can see when he chats with his dad, shoulders still tense and smile not quite reaching his eyes. He relaxes around Melissa little more than he does around his dad Stiles' heart warms up. He catches Stiles’s eyes almost every time Stiles looks at him, sometimes he looks away, sometimes he doesn’t, so Stiles holds hi gaze to, challenging him to look away first, Derek doesn’t look away, never does, he just smirks and Stiles flushes from the top of his head to the tips of his toes every single time. His dad keeps sending him knowing looks, Stiles huffs, what does everybody think they know. 

They don’t talk, not really, they talk along with the crowd, tell them how they ran into each other in DC, his dad asks Derek if he has anything to do with scars on Stiles’s arm, Derek doesn’t say anything, just looks at him with expectant eyes and waits for him to tell how foolish he was, going out on a full moon. His dad scowl, worries, almost yells, thanks Derek and finally calms down for the sake of Christmas. 

“Better than brooding in the dark, eh” Stiles asks as he walks the guests out, everyone is way too sober for his liking, his dad and him are only one’s buzzed on eggnog

“Rats don’t taste the same in Beacon hills” Derek deadpans and Stiles laughs way harder than he should, notices his dad and scott giving him weird looks. “When are you going back” Derek asks once Stiles has calmed down.

“Day after New Years” Stiles answers “you?”

“might stick around for another week or two” Derek shrugs “got some business to take care of”

“Oh, so he’s back mysterious Derek with mysterious business” Stiles says, balancing himself with hand on Derek’s chest when he stumbles. 

“Get some sleep” Derek tells him and starts walking out of the house “Sheriff” he nods at his dad and is out of the door before Stiles can say anything.

-

“It’s all your fault” Stiles tells Scott the next afternoon, he’s laying upside down on his bed, exhausted from eating too much leftovers and reading too much fiction about tricksters, because he knows, he is sure that it is not gone. They still have nothing, bestiary is no help and the internet is full of folklore and lore he can never be sure is function or not. So he gives up and decides to worry about another thing going terribly wrong in his life.

“How is it my fault?” Scott asks from where he is tucked in Stiles’ armchair, looking up from his phone where he has been texting Ashley all day long with confused face

“You said i had to figure stuff out and i was into Derek, so obviously I started overthinking it and coming to conclusions, so, it is your fault” Stiles explains 

“So I caused you to fall in love with Derek of all people?” 

“Don’t say that!” Stiles points a threatening finger at him “when you say it that makes it true” 

“I’m sure it is true without me saying it, Stiles” Scott smiles at him, toothy and honest. 

“Why do I always have to fall for people who like me but not enough to date me?” he groans “shy Scott?” 

“Derek didn’t say that, did he?” 

“No, he said i was desperate and lonely and oh, my favorite, too young to know” Stiles rolls over and lets out a small scream into the duvet 

“Maybe he means it” he hears Scott say “you know, perhaps that’s what he really thinks, that you only want him because you are lonely, Derek has never been a poster boy for self esteem” 

“I know that” Stiles says “I know that, I know he believes it, but did i not abandon last nights party just to sick him out. If i want him because no one else is around why would i go to him when _everyone_ was around?”

“I don’t know, man” Scott shrugs, “I’m not exactly the expert of relationships and I have you to bear the witness” 

“You are useless you know?” Scott tells him “except for being fiercely loyal, saving the day now and then, being the alpha and having strength of ten people combined, you are useless” he should definitely talk to Lydia, she always gives the best advice, he should have called Lydia weeks ago. 

“Give him time” Scott comes to sit beside him on the bed “from what you have told me and from how he looked at you last night he feels something for you too, so maybe give him some time to think and you know, miss you” Scott patted him on the shoulder and goes back to the kitchen for more leftovers.

Stiles sights and turns around to stare at the ceiling. Scott may not be as useless as Stiles thought.

-

Stiles doesn’t give Derek any time

He meant to. He meant to follow only coherent advice Scott gave him and give Derek some time, he knows he should have.

In some sense he gives Derek time, two days, a day and a half to be more exact. 

But it’s Derek’s fault honestly. Completely his own fault. 

It’s day and an almost half after Christmas when he wakes up and his dad is starting his jeep on their driveway and the engine starts. Stiles is, well, happy would be an understatement, if you don’t count the fact that he almost humps his jeep after kissing the steering wheel, then you could say he is happy, but in reality he is ecstatic. He hugs his father and promises him whole feast of junk food and wraps himself around him again before Sheriff says that he didn’t fix it. “I thought you had it taken to the garage,” he says, looking just as confused as Stiles

So, it is a day and a half later when he is sitting on the literally bloody couch in Derek’s loft again, waiting for Derek to come out. He knows Derek is here, his car is parked down stairs and the door was unlocked as usual. But he doesn’t answer when Stiles calls out for him, several times, loudly than necessary. So he waits, Derek can’t hide from him the whole day, or he can Stiles can never be sure. 

He is not sure when he dozes off, but he does and when he wakes up Derek is there, right there, sitting by the table coffee table facing Stiles, he has a notebook in hand, looking at the pages like they have done something to him.

“You will drill a hole in it if you keep looking at it like that” Stiles tells him mid yawn and stretches generously as he sits up. 

“Sleep well, Stiles?” Derek asks flatly, not looking up from the notebook, not startles a bit, creep, probably knew Stiles was awake before he even woke up. 

“Great actually” Stiles remarks “blood stained couches are like a sedative, you heard?” Derek hums and keeps turning the pages on his notebook, looking at it intently. “What did you do to my jeep?” Stiles finally asks the question he came here to ask for.

“Fixed it” Derek says shortly.

“And why the hell would you do that?” Stiles stands up and snatches a notebook from Derek’s hand, tossing it on the table. Derek sighs and looks up at him, lips tight like Stiles has never done anything more annoying in his life, which by a long shot, it not true at best

“Should I not have?” 

“No” Stiles says, more loudly than probably necessary “you should not have” Derek just arches an eyebrow at him silently asking why. Stiles runs a hand through his hair and flops back down on the couch “this is torture man, you rejected me, i literally told you i want to be with you, get all up close and personal with you and you said no, very clearly, several times, you said no, then you go and do things like this, you can’t just” Stiles pauses, feeling overwhelmed, who knew talking about your feeling could get you overwhelmed, huh “you have to just, you can’t come and go as you please, you can’t tell me know, then be all nice to me at the party, ignore me for two days and then go fixing my car when no one asked you to, i can’t-, i don’t want to keep hoping because i keep getting mixed signals from you” 

“How do you talk so much but never listen to a single thing?” Derek asks him as soon as he’s done talking

“It’s a talent, got if from my mom” he closes his eyes and leans against the couch

“Stiles” Derek says, voice more serious now “i told you i didn’t want you making decision because I was the only one around -”

“I could be anywhere right now, I could be with Scott, or Malia or Liam, my dad, they are all round, but i’m right here aren’t I, here, with you”

“Sitels, listen to me, listen!” Derek says sternly, he looks exhausted “for once, just listen okay?” Stiles swallow hard but nods, he has never seen Derek like this, desperate for Stiles to just listen “you are not the only one confused, okay? This had been just as confusing for me, you, just you coming and being constant in my life. This thing, whatever you want to call it, this is not a new thing, but it is happening now, for me and for you, i need to deal with this myself first, I need to think, do you understand?” he pauses waiting for Stiles to nod again “there is more history to us than just the last few months, I, we cannot be careless with this, we cannot lose what we have because we were careless and made rushed decisions. If I do this I have to be sure, of everything, of you and myself. So just give me some time, time to think and sort myself out, okay?” Derek looks at him almost pleadingly and guilt hits Stiles like a freight train, crashes into his chest and makes every single one of his bones ache. 

“Okay” he says quietly “alright, I'm- I am sorry, I didn't think-” he stops watches Derek’s unwavering expression “i just, i thought, i’m sorry, i should have thought about this” 

“It’s fine” Derek smiles at him faintly “just give me few days okay? I’ll see you back in the city” Stiles shuts his lips tight, he doesn’t know when Derek will be back in DC, how long will it take for him to take care of this business he has here. What Stiles knows is that uncertainty is one thing that drives him crazy and he is 100% sure that the next two weeks are going to be filled with him overthinking, over-feeling and over-complicating everything, but he says nothing, instead gives Derek a little nod.

-

Next two weeks are terrible, the worst, just as Stiles predicted. It’s been fifteen days since he and Derek last talked, not that Stiles is counting. But it has been fifteen days. He does not even know if Derek is back in DC, or if he's still in Beacon Hill or if he just decided to flee the country all together and never talk to Stiles again. There comes the overthinking part, which Stiles has done a lot of since he came back. He has gone over every possible thing that could go wrong while he is here and Derek is back in Beacon Hills, including Derek getting maimed by the trickster, which, considering their track record, not unlikely. 

He is relieved of this thought a week after new years when Scott calls to tell him that the trickster was found dead by the river by joggers after another robbery he tried to pull on library, honestly, who robs a library? Scott says trickster claw marks all over his body, blue blood dried over his clothes, however this is really not wildest part, the most surprising detail for Stiles is that Deaton is sure he was maimed by an actual mountain lion, he laughs uncontrollably at that, getting told off by Krista. Finally, that damn mountain lion gets the credit he actually deserves. 

But, mountain lion aside, there's a much bigger threat to Stiles’ well being, which is once again, Derek. Derek who doesn’t acknowledge Stiles at all, no text, no call, not a single one. Stiles knows, he is aware what giving someone time and space means, however he didn't quite expect it to be no call no text condition. So, that is a little difficult, his patience betrays him at least 20 times a day and picks up a phone to text him, but he puts his phone down and busies himself instead. 

It is on the sixteenth day when he gets a text from Derek, it’s a simple text, just a few words, nothing that should have Stiles’ heart beating fast as it does. 

“ _From Derek Hale_

_14:21_

_Back in DC”_

He stares at a text, his mind has turned off for everything else but few words on his phone screen. He has to be at work in 30 minutes and that’s where his priorities come through, he can be at work on time, or he can be at Derek’s in 30 minutes and endure Krista yelling at him one more time. So, priorities. 

It is not a surprise to anyone, not even Stiles himself that 20 minutes later he is parking his car outside Derek’s apartment complex. 

Door to Derek apartment is open when stiles gets there, Derek is sitting on the couch, that old notebook and a bunch of papers spread in front of him. Stiles feels his entire body flush when he first catches sight of him, head buried in his notebook. He desperately wants to walk up to him and look and touch and _talk_ , but he freezes in the doorway, finally close to the answer he’s been longing for and he freezes, cannot take a single step forward.

“Hey” Derek looks up at him, snapping him out of his daze “you smell nervous” he smirks at Stiles knowingly, asshole 

“Nervous?” Stiles says “don’t know what that is, never heard of it” Derek smiles and looks back at his papers, what could be there that’s so much more interesting than Stiles. Well, he is going to find out, he walks toward Derek and flops on the couch next to him, nearly tripping on the carpet on the way. There’s a sketch of a house in Derek’s notebook, drawn with a pencil, paper looks almost worn out it’s been erased and redrawn so many times, the papers on the table are blueprints, more professional, printed out. 

“What’s this” Stiles picks up one of the papers and asks

“My old house” Derek answers, nonchalant as ever

“The old Hale house” Stiles gapes at him, inspecting the blueprint in his hand, he doesn’t understand anything on it, but Sheriff didn’t raise a quitter 

“Yeah” Derek looks at him, staring at Stiles behind those damn lashes “land technically still belongs to me, the foundations still stands strong, so why not?” Stiles stares back, completely speechless for the second time today. 

“Are you rebuilding it?” he asks

“Yes, thought it’d be nice” Derek shrugs, looking at the sketch and then back at Stiles “have a home back there, if we ever decide to go back” Stiles’s breath catches in his throat, hand shaking around the paper in his hand. There seems to be more than a million words in english language but Stiles cannot seem to find a single one to respond.

“We?” he asks weakly after what seems to be an hour of silence around them “we as in you and I”

“Yeah” Derek smiles “as in you and I”

“So you thought about this?”

“I did”

“And this thing, the thing that is, that will be between you and I, it’s not casual” Stiles puts the paper back down, his empty hands suddenly aching to touch. 

“I don’t think you can do casual, Stiles” Derek tells him

“Wow, so, wow” Stiles raises his hand to touch Derek, touch somewhere now that he thinks he can, but he runs a hand through his hair instead, Derek is so close, he has basically given Stiles permission to touch, to feel but he can’t bring himself to, to finally have what you always wanted seems to be the doom for him. “So like, this is it, we are… together, up close and personal with each other?” he pauses “boyfriends?” 

“That’s for you to decide now” Derek tell him and Stiles fears whatever he says to Derek now, will carry the pieces of his heart with it.

“When you said there are people who are always drawn to each other, with the light of the same star or something, did you-, was it really about me and Lydia or did you mean us?” he asks, his mind is going a hundred miles and hour and his might actually be the one time he wants to calm down and he can’t.

“Soul bond?” Derek asks, but doesn’t wait for an answer before he continues “I don’t know, one can never be sure of that, it’s more of a lore than a fact, we might have it, might not, doesn’t matter to me, I would still love you with or without it” panic settles in Stiles’s stomach and spreads through his entire body rapidly until it reaches his head. It’s the same feeling he gets when waking up from a nightmare, feeling on slow relief after a particularly bad episode, but without the aftertaste of grief and fear behind it, just pure sense of panicked relief, with to be honest describes his life perfectly.

“Oh god, oh wow, fuck, shit” words come tumbling out of his mouth without him even knowing “did you just say-”

“I love you” Derek interrupts him and second wave of panic hits Stiles, harder than the first one

“You can’t just say it like that man, just slide it into the conversation? Nooo, you, that’s not how you say it” he shoots up and starts pacing in front of the couch, his body immediately tells him to sit back down, to get back as close to Derek as possible “especially when I don't expect it? No, that’s not how it works, not cool, very not cool” he says, Derek’s words struggling to register in his mind, he is not sure they ever will.

“Stiles” Derek says and gets up to come close to Stiles, he puts both of his hands on Stiles’s shoulders and holds him in place, effectively restricting his pacing by 100%. Maybe there really is soul bond or whatever that pulls them together, it really doesn’t matter now because- “I love you, Stiles, I love you” Derek loves him.

Stiles looks at him, looks at his eyes, then lips, then eyes again and surges forward and all but smashes his lips against Derek’s. Derek’s hands pushes him back a little, then pulls him back with a hand on his neck and Derek kisses him back, softly with less urgency and less force, his tenderness forces Stiles to relax, he wraps his hands around Derek’s shoulders and pulls him as close as he possibly can. His lips barely move, his mind can’t quite catch up with his mouth and his mouth can’t catch up with Derek’s, who keeps kissing Stiles like he might disappear any moment now, just slip from his fingers and Stiles feels the same. 

“Wow” Stiles says when he pulls back, pressing his forehead against Dereks, there’s a grin on his face he doesn’t think he can ever wipe away “I love you too, Derek, god, I _love_ you, I love you so much” Stiles laughs, touching his nose to Derek’s, and Derek, well all he can do is kiss him.

Stiles may be 2 hours late to work, there might have been some more confessions, some making out, maybe more, maybe less, but well, that’s for them to know. 


End file.
